25.07.06 @ 13:18
this is not an exciting blog. i don’t go anywhere. i don’t do anything. right now, i don’t have a job. i’m also not in school. i don’t have any friends to gossip about, and there’s not a lot to say about my family, either. i don’t have kids, and i’m not inclined to blog too much about my pets. i can (and sometimes do) talk about world events. but what can i say that hasn’t already been said a million times by people that can express themselves better than i can? and who cares what i think, anyway?
so why the hell do i have a blog? well it sure as hell isn’t here to entertain anyone. the main purpose of this place is to allow me to puke my thoughts out somewhere so they won’t drive me completely crazy. it doesn’t have to make sense to anyone else. i don’t want a huge audience. i don’t want to have to think or worry too much when i write here. it’s my little niche. it’s my shrine to myself. and it’s on the internet for all to read because i can do more with html than i could ever do on paper. most of what i write is open to the public because it’s my passive-aggressive way of expressing myself without having to talk to anyone. if you don’t want to know how i’m feeling or what i’m thinking about, don’t bother visiting my blog. it’s not here to make you feel good or anything. it’s not here for you at all. i appreciate anyone who reads this regularly, most of all because they don’t tell me what to write or how to feel. and if you ever get the urge to do that, my blog is not the place for you. i update when i feel like it, and i’m not going to just pull an entry out of my ass because you’re bored or because you think i owe you one. sometimes i not only don’t feel like talking to anyone, but don’t feel like being expressive at all.
sometimes, like now, i’m living out my secret life, like walter mitty, in my mind. and i don’t feel like sharing my fantasy world with anyone else. like a dream, when you share it with others, it begins to disappear. so i’m living in my head right now, and am not likely to write entries very often. but i also refuse to do what seems so popular among bloggers and go on hiatus. i think that’s silly, and if a blogger does that too many times, i tend to take them off my list. it would be pretty stupid to make a big production out of not posting entries, then come back and post the next day because i happen to feel like it. so i guess i’m not going to give the common courtesy of warning people that i don’t intend to post, either.
but to the readers that don’t expect much out of me, and continue to read this year after year, thank you. you can probably expect more of the same.
July 25th, 2006 at 17:05
I’ll assume this post is (somewhat) directed at me. Look, no one’s telling you what to say. But this is the Internet and you do have open comments. So when you get overly self-indulgent and write nonsense like you have prescient dreams that portend future horrors, expect to get called on it by rude trolls like me. If you don’t want me to comment, you should ban me or close your comments. Then you’ll only have to listen to me in real life :-P
But free speech in open forums works both ways, unfortunately.
That said, I didn’t mean to be rude in the earlier post, and I’m sorry. I just get annoyed when I feel that people are working themselves into exclusive little pity parties over their awful, horrible lives. That’s why I usually only read political blogs, which tend to recognize the greater danger and suffering of others in this country and around the world, rather than dwelling on personal problems. But this isn’t a political blog, so I should learn to temper my responses to your posts.
Sorry, and please cheer up! Life is good as long as you’re still breathing.
July 26th, 2006 at 16:16
i didn’t say life was horrible. but you have to understand that when i have dreams like that, it reminds me that someone i love can just up and die at any moment, and there isn’t a damn thing i can do about it. because there’s nothing i can do, i guess i’m not supposed to worry, but it doesn’t work that way. after these dreams, i lie awake wondering if one of us is going to get in a car accident or have an aneurysm and just drop dead tomorrow. mum’s death is a constant reminder that my worst fear could broadside me out of nowhere at any time. usually, i feel pretty zen about it, but when i’m already stressed out, i don’t cope with it so well. so i feel “doom and gloom.”
i get particularly pissed off with you, because you know me in real life, and i seldom burden you when i’m unhappy. and we discuss world events plenty, so acting like i’m shallow or stupid or angsty isn’t really on. i’d understand someone who doesn’t know me or speak to me on a regular basis leaving comments like yours, but in your case, it’s an invalid criticism.