i’m really, really stressed.

yesterday, i got the news that my job’s been made redundant. the woman they’re hiring to take over for my supervisor, is, in fact, taking over for everyone. the morning guy is leaving anyway, but the two evening girls are s.o.l. the big boss called me into his office to discuss the possibility of my working from 4-7 or 5-8 monday through thursday. in other words, my hours have been cut in half. of course, right in the middle of telling me this, he gets a call and sits on the phone for ten minutes, leaving me to wonder what the hell is going on and whether i’ll still have a job or not when all is said and done. after he finished his call, he asked whether i’d be staying on, and i said i’d have to ask my husband. frankly, i wanted to just leave, go back to the library to get my bag, and tell my immediate boss/supervisor, whose leaving has caused this mess, thanks and go to hell for not bothering to give me any sort of warning about this. i did question him when i got back, and he insisted he’d had no idea about it. so i left early (it was at the end of the day, anyway, so it was only by about 10 minutes) and talked to sohei when i got home. he told me to just stick it out coz it’ll look good on my resume to stay at the same job longer than six months. so i was going to tell the big boss today that i’m staying, and ask a couple of questions, but he couldn’t be bothered to meet with me once in the four hours i was at work today. i left a post-it on his door and came in early and everything but i guess he had more important things to do than talk to me for two minutes.

usually, i’d make such a post private, but i really don’t give a fuck. i’ve put a lot into this job, i’m the only one that can actually do anything (how fucking hard is it to check books in and out for fuck’s sake??) but it doesn’t matter. this is the same place that insists on six weeks’ notice when you’re going to leave, but it’s okay for them to just drag you into an office, out of nowhere, and inform you that your hours are literally being cut in half, and your co-workers laid off entirely? after you – and the other assistants – were told specifically in an email that the supervisor leaving would have no impact on your employment? well i knew from the minute he handed in his resignation that it would fuck everything up. i told sohei that new boss = mass layoffs, which he already knows from experience. i guess i’m lucky to have a job at all, but i’m wondering if it’s even worth the damn gas money. i’ll keep it, because my resume already looks like shit thanks to the fact i can only ever manage to keep a job 3-4 months. but i feel like i’ve been completely screwed over and lied to, and i feel awful for the evening girls.

on top of all of this, i still have to go to the dentist tomorrow to get my teeth pulled. sohei told me that the pill i’m taking before i go in will make me so woozy that i won’t even remember being at the dentist. this did not make me feel better. there’s a reason i’ve never done anything stronger than pot (except the one time): i like to remember being places and doing things. i do not like not being in control. i don’t like having entire gaps of time where i have no idea what’s happened. it’s bad enough that i’ll be iv sedated during the procedure, but to not remember the trip there or anything? no, i do not like it, sir. i also don’t like that i’ll already look like a moron, thanks to not being allowed to wear makeup, besides bumbling around like a sleepy, stoned idiot. wonderful. i guess i should be thankful that i won’t remember any of it, but i’m really not. and i don’t even want to think about the pain i’ll be in when it’s all over, assuming everything even goes right. with the way things have been going recently, i’m not counting on anything.

and i’m not even going to say much about school. except that i picked a really, really bad time for my surgery. what with having a bunch of huge projects and finals going on for the next couple of weeks, including a major project due on monday and another one that’s only available between tomorrow and monday/tuesday. it’s not like i’m procrastinating for the monday project, for once. i just can’t think of a decent topic related to medical informatics that i could write 15 pages on. with slide show. or whatever. if i could just think of a damn topic, i could probably have it done in an afternoon or so. well shit.

and i won’t talk about getting ready to move at all.

i need a fucking vacation. now.