there’s no real news on the cord issue front. little bear was being completely uncooperative at the ultrasound on tuesday, and wouldn’t move his leg so the tech could track his cord to the insertion point. however, because he’s a whopping 2 lbs 4 oz, i suspect that there might not be a cord issue at all, particularly as the tech said it sure looked like it was inserted just fine. she just couldn’t confirm, because she couldn’t see it clearly. (she shook my belly and made me lay on my side, and he still wouldn’t move.) then she did a 4d shot, but he had his hands in front of his face, so we didn’t get a clear look at that, either. but i’ll be having another u/s in two weeks, and probably more after that, so there should be plenty of opportunities to have a look at his sweet little face.

i’m staying at no-chan’s house while sohei and his dad are at a convention in chicago. i haven’t stayed here since christmas, when we found out i was pregnant. when i go into the bathroom where i took the positive test, it seems hard to believe that it was five months ago that i stood there and watched the second line show up. and it makes me miss sohei even more, for some reason. i hate being apart from him now even more than i used to. it gives me insomnia.

wow, i can’t believe shit like this is allowed to happen.

well, i’m finally back home. we got here on tuesday. i don’t feel much like writing, so here’s the last few days in a nutshell:

may 13th was my last day at work. i went in, tied up some loose ends, went to my baby shower/going away thing, then went home. most of who i thought were my work friends didn’t show to the party, and thankfully sohei was there, because there was something kind of awkward feeling about the whole thing. little bear got a lot of cute stuff, though, so whatevs.

when we got home, we finished packing for our trip and took off for destin. it was a last minute kind of thing, and i packed really light. (as in one dress, one swimsuit, enough undies for four days, shorts, a sports bra, and some toiletries.) the drive was kind of a pain, but the hotel we ended up at was really cute, and it was right on the beach. the view from our room was amazing, and we had a private balcony to enjoy it from. we went right down to the beach to swim, and discovered that where we were swimming was pretty much jellyfish soup. little jellyfish bits were floating around everywhere, and sohei managed to get stung. (there were no whole jellyfish to be seen; just tentacle pieces. i guess something had just had a jellyfish feast and these were the leavins.) the next day we spent practically the whole day down at the beach. i had a shaded chair, but managed to get badly burnt on my legs and chest somehow, regardless. spf 70 sunblock my ass. sohei got really burnt, too, only everywhere because he didn’t have a shade chair. so now the skin on my upper boobs is crepey and blistered, and the sides of my legs are purple. it was really fun until we went inside and discovered how burnt we were. i hardly slept the next two nights because it hurt so bad. since we couldn’t really hang out on the beach on friday, we went and looked at some dunes and stuff, and went to the gulfarium. we saw every animal show and it was fun. aside from the horrible sunburn, the trip was actually pretty nice. since we had a kitchenette, we ate some of our meals on the balcony, and i spent a lot of time just reading and looking at the view. still, thanks to the sunburn and being pregnant, holy edema, batman.

then we went home on saturday and packed and cleaned until monday night. we left for tampa on tuesday morning in separate cars and got here safely despite being rained on the whole time. (i am so glad i never have to make that trip again. especially in my beater of a car.) it’s been super rainy in florida this week, for some reason, but it’s nice because it’s a lot less hotter than usual and maybe it’ll put a dent in the drought.

yesterday we went over to pinellas for my first doctor appointment here. it was so good to see her again, and she totally recognized me! but we found out there was some confusion about the ultrasound results. the doctor who did the scan said i had a marginal cord insertion, but on the report, it said velamentous insertion. the former isn’t a big deal, but the latter is. if it’s velamentous, i could lose the baby. so i’m getting another ultrasound on tuesday to see which of the two it is. if it’s marginal, i’ll have to go in for scans every few weeks to make sure the baby’s growing okay, but that’s it. if it’s velamentous, i’ll have to have an early c-section and hope the cord doesn’t come loose in the meantime so little bear makes it to delivery day. if it does come loose, there’s really nothing we can do. i think that’s what i hate most about this. i could lose him, and there’s no way to fix this so that doesn’t happen. i just have to hope it doesn’t. even if i were on bedrest for the rest of my pregnancy, he could still twist the cord or pull it somehow, and that would be that. i guess i shouldn’t worry until we find out what’s wrong, but it’s so fucking frustrating. there’s around a 1% chance of having this sort of cord problem, so of course it would happen to me.

then we found out today that our tenant is freaking out about having to find a new place to live, so he may not leave when he’s supposed to. which means we’ll have to go through eviction proceedings. which will further fuck up bar stuff for sohei, and i won’t be able to get the house ready before little bear gets here. in fact, we may be bringing the baby home to the room we’re sharing at my father-in-law’s house. great. of course we’d have to rent out our goddamn house to some idiot nutjob. i don’t even like to think about what he’s done to it since he’s been there. i wish he’d just fuck off so i could fix it up and have it ready for the baby. as it is, i’m not going to be able to do much with it, since sohei’s already talking about letting the bank foreclose on it. i love that house so much. i wanted to paint and put in some new floors and stuff, but there’s no point. even if psycho tenant leaves like he’s supposed to, we’re not keeping it anyway. instead we get to be renters for the foreseeable future. i just wanted my own house. i didn’t care if it was small or attached to another house or whatever. i hoped when we came back that we’d stay in the st. pete house for a long time, but it seems like it’s going to be temporary. i’m sick of moving. i want to settle down for a few years in a house that’s mine and that i love.

i guess this ended up being a lot longer than i’d meant it to, but there’s been so much other shit going on, i haven’t been able to vent about this stuff. i don’t really have anyone to talk to about it, and sohei has enough on his mind. besides which, he hates that house for some reason, so there’s really no point in talking to him about it. i thought things would be better when i came back home, but everything’s just a damn mess now. it is good to be back, because i missed it, but nothing’s going right at all. nothing ever does, though, so it’s not like i should be surprised.

little bear’s being pretty active this afternoon… i love him so much. i can’t wait til he gets here… i was talking to someone this morning, and little bear gave me a pretty solid kick, which made me jump. the lady i was talking to thinks maybe he’ll be a soccer player or something. he sure can pack a punch.

aside from freaking out every now and then about stuff like whether he’s moving enough or too frantically or whatever, pregnancy’s still going well. everyone keeps noting how swollen my legs/ankles/feet are, though. my blood pressure has been good so far, so i’m trying not to dwell on it. the only thing that’s really bothering me is that my pubic bone area hurts. i’m hoping it doesn’t become that severe issue where you can hardly walk or whatever. i think empress had it pretty bad last time? so far, it’s just some pain in my crotchtal area, so it might not even be the same thing. also, i got an awful charley horse on the morning of sohei’s graduation. i used to get them a lot anyway, but this was my first pregnancy one. and my muscle had a knot in it for two days! sohei rubbed it, and it finally felt better the next day. but i couldn’t straighten my leg much or walk on it well for a couple days. it’s not usually quite that bad.

i guess i forgot to mention sohei’s graduation. it was on saturday, and his dad and mum and no-chan came up on friday. we all went to dinner and everything was pretty good. sohei’s parents don’t see each other much, and sohei worries when they’re going to be together, but i don’t know why, because they’re totally amicable! i don’t know what they were like when sohei was little, but i’ve seen them together a few times since we started dating, and they’ve never been anything but friendly. it was funny listening to the three old folks talk about all these people they all know and old times and stuff. (no-chan was married to a family friend who everyone knew, and they were all in the same social circle and everything, so they all knew who everyone was talking about.)

anyway, i’m so proud of my bear. he worked really hard the past three years, and graduated with highest honor, summa cum laude. (less than ten people in his class of 200 graduated with that distinction.) he also had one of the longest book lists (booking a class means you got the highest grade) and a bunch of other mentions for extracurriculars. and made the dean’s list every semester, though he did that in undergrad, too. he’s going to be so good at what he does. we talked to his bankruptcy professor at the reception, and he clearly thinks sohei is brilliant. his dad and i think so, too, but we’re obviously biased. seriously, though, he always comes up with these great theories when his dad runs into problems with cases. he has such a good mind for this stuff. his dad recently won a rather sizable settlement for a client, and parts of his winning argument came from sohei’s ideas.

i guess i’d better get back to work. i have some stuff to finish up before i leave…

:

-sohei and i are going on a mini-vacation to a beachy area for our anniversary!
-i only have a couple days of work left!
-the next two days of work feature parties! and one of them is for me!
-i will be back home for good in about a week!

i am so. fucking. done. with this place. my flake boss was supposed to throw me a going away party/baby shower next wednesday, and hasn’t even bothered inviting anyone. so now i look like an idiot, because i told a bunch of people i wanted them to come to a party that’s probably not even happening now. and despite turning in my two weeks’ notice on time, my paperwork was not given to me on time, so now it’s already too late to opt into this tax option thing. also, i have all of a week to complete this stupid list, and if certain things aren’t done, the university is going to report me to a collection agency and charge me a bunch of money. and when i asked the hr girl to specify what it is exactly i need to be doing (she’s the one who got the paperwork to me just now, almost a week late), she tried to pawn me off on someone else, who can’t help me at all. i wouldn’t have even known that i was going to be charged for my gate cards if one of my coworkers hadn’t told me. if sohei wouldn’t have a fit about it, i’d just walk the fuck out of here right now and tell them to shove their fucking list and all the rest of it.

I mean, why would you want to stay at home and watch Joss Whedon’s crappy rape-fantasy-as-adventure serial?

-televisualist

okay, yes, exactly. i usually like whedon’s stuff, but this show has always kind of rubbed me the wrong way. it’s getting kind of interesting, but i never really enjoy watching it. it’s not just the whole rape fantasy written by a supposed feminist thing, but the funny moments are few and far between. i generally like his humor, but what there is of it here, not so much. if i’m at all disappointed that this show is facing the same fate as most fox shows, it’s because the characters won’t get rescued or anything, and we’ll never know what happens.

i guess i haven’t said anything in a while. work has been crazy, as we’re moving our whole department and the service/circ desks upstairs. i’m finally at my desk, with computer hooked up, in a nice little corner they found for me. there’s windows nearby and everything, which i appreciate in a work space. i also like having my back to the wall and only one neighbor, so no one’s paying any attention to the fact that i spend most of my time looking at baby-related websites. hey, i’ve got a week left. who the hell doesn’t just phone it in at that point? (actually, most people i know don’t bother coming to work at all in their last week, but i only have a couple of hours of time off saved up, so i’m just going to leave early a few times or something.)

and i went to the doctor yesterday. it went fine. and you know all that weight i didn’t gain in the first trimester? i’m making up for it now. which i don’t understand, because i actually ate way more last trimester than i am in this one. it’s weird, actually, because a lot of the time, i barely finish dinner anymore. now i’m eating like i did before i got pregnant, except a more substantial lunch when i get home. i dunno… i’m not particularly distressed about it, because i think i look pretty freaking adorable. and since i’m supposed to be more concerned about little bear being underweight at this point, i’m not too worried about turning him into some sort of giant baby. i did kind of freak the other day, though, when i realized all i’d had to eat by dinner time was a piece of cake and a cookie from a party i went to earlier in the day. they say overeating doesn’t help make a growth-restricted baby get any bigger, but i’m sure it doesn’t hurt. and not eating probably does hurt, so i’d better get on that. (i still think eating massive amounts in the first trimester helped put him at his target size at the last ultrasound. )

so, yeah, everything’s going pretty well. despite sohei’s panicking, we seem to be on track with the upcoming move. i can’t believe i’m going to be back home in less than two weeks… i can’t wait to be back with my family. i think i’ll feel a little less worried about everything with them around for support, and it’ll be nice to be seen by my old doctor again, too. it just seems like something you should have family around for, you know? i’ll get to see sohei’s parents and no-chan this weekend, for his graduation. i’m looking forward to showing off my bump!