i’m sorry for ranting yesterday, but i’m getting sick of people telling me what i’m supposed to be doing with my life. believe me, no one has given more thought about what to do with my life than i have. also, i keep reading all this stuff about how at the first mention of family planning, everyone has a fucking opinion. it’s a pretty private thing, you know? (well, it’s supposed to be. i only told my dad and sister and a friend at work, because i knew i’d need them for support. i didn’t really want to tell anyone else.) and i haven’t even started trying yet! i am not looking forward to hearing about how i’m gaining too much weight or eating the wrong things or whatever else i’m doing wrong. (while i’m at it, the first person to touch my belly without asking is going to get fucking decked.) and then hearing about how to raise my own child, of course. i’ll let family get away with it, to a small extent, and people whose experiences i value. people who don’t know me, however, can still shut their fucking mouths.

anyway… i finally saw an inconvenient truth last night. it was pretty depressing. once i shake off the deer in the headlights feeling, i’ll have to think of some ways to do my small part in improving things. i also saw sweeney todd, which was fucking awesome. i hate most musicals, but that’s one i can really enjoy. it was the johnny depp version, which had a bit to do with the enjoyment factor. but the imagery was just fantastic. love, love, loved it. (i think he should’ve had a cooler name, though.)

in other news, sohei and i may actually get around to playing scion one of these days. because of our renewed interest in comic books, he wants it to have a superhero angle. there will be one character from each of the pantheons, and mine is from the aztec one. i’m jokingly calling her tacocoatl right now, because i haven’t thought of anything else. i’ll put her character sheet up one of these days, maybe. basically, she can do spells and throw sharp things at people.

i guess i’d better get back to work. damn saturday shift.

hey everybody! guess what! when sohei and i decided to have a baby, how you felt about it didn’t make it into the equation somehow. you know why? because it’s none of your damn business! if one of us makes the mistake of mentioning it to you and you aren’t happy about it for some reason, stfu. i don’t remember asking you if what i do with my own body is okay. despite popular opinion, we are not teenagers. we are 30(ish). we cannot wait for a better time. there is no better time. if my health is this bad when i’m 28, i don’t even want to think about what it’ll be like by the time i’m 35 or 40. when my pre-diabetes becomes full-blown diabetes, pregnancy will become a high-risk activity for me and the potential baby. i am not waiting for that to happen.

i am also not waiting until we’re more “stable” financially. for fuck’s sake, if sohei’s lawyer salary can’t pay for this, we’re fucked anyway. i’m not going to get started on a career just to have to put it all aside in a couple years to have a baby. i want the baby to have my full attention for its first two years, at least. i do not want to find a job i love only to have to quit later. period. i’m already irate that sohei won’t be getting insurance through his job, but we’ll have to deal with it somehow.

if you don’t want to be happy for us, fine. that’s your prerogative. but i don’t want to hear about it. the only opinion that would have mattered to me is my mother’s and she’s dead. this is it for me. now or never. if i can’t get pregnant, then i’ll accept that i’m just not meant to have children. but that’s between me and my body. if you think i deserve to be childless because i need to work more or have a sure source of health insurance or i’m too stupid or irresponsible, then you’re kind of a jerk. far worse people than me have had children, and sometimes those kids turn out okay. i did what everyone wanted me to, and got a degree and a job. now i want to do what i want to. what i’ve been waiting years to do. and time is running out for me, so if you can’t support me, then don’t say anything at all.

(and, yes, i’m aware that a blog is a public forum and that i shouldn’t put things out there if i’m worried about what people think. but instead of telling everyone and their dog, like sohei is doing for some reason, i’d rather shout it into the ether. [i'm not mad, shut up.] because at least here, i can turn comments off. and people don’t have to come here if they don’t like reading it.)

i am wishing like hell that i’d just applied for that st. pete job. our tenant decided not to renew her lease, so after june, we’ll be paying two mortgages again. i don’t understand why we can never get a damn break…

Last night I dreamt
That somebody loved me
No hope, no harm
Just another false alarm

Last night I felt
Real arms around me
No hope, no harm
Just another false alarm

So, tell me how long
Before the last one?
And tell me how long
Before the right one?

The story is old – I know
But it goes on
The story is old – I know
But it goes on

Oh, goes on
And on
Oh, goes on
And on

the smiths – last night i dreamt that somebody loved me

so i got wii fit the other day. it’s really fun, so far. i’ve been playing every day, and it’s easy to lose track of time. i don’t think it’s like some kind of workout miracle or anything, but it’s made me more active than usual. and i’ve apparently lost a pound or so, so far. i’m still into the whole fat acceptance thing, so i’m not going to stress if i don’t lose weight. but it is good to get some exercise and have fun.

on the first day, i tested at a fitness age of 27, and sohei tested at 44 (!) despite being “normal weight” vs. my “obese” label. we both think it’s pretty funny that i’m more technically fit than he is despite the weight discrepancy, though i know that there are women out there that weigh more than i do that are way more in shape. my balance and flexibility are good, but i still get out of breath way too easily.

anyway, it’s pretty cool. i’ve never looked forward to exercising after work every day until now.

(btw, sohei’s age has been dropping every day. i don’t want him to get mad at me for telling the world about his score.)

hah. t-sensei came up to the desk and wanted to know what i was doing there, and i told him, and he told me he’d find someone else, so i got to leave. he said, in future, i should never have to be on the desk for more than four hours, and i shouldn’t be on the desk four hours except for very rare occasions. he said tomorrow i should tell the supervisor to change the schedule for me to be on for three hours instead. and he’s going to take me to lunch one of these days. hah!

also, i usually confine this sort of thing to the baby blog, but i need any help i can get. (i have yet to find a pregnancy-related forum that doesn’t irritate or sicken me.) i’ve been taking prenatal vitamins for a few days, and on a couple days i was fine after taking them. the other two days, it was awful. i was incredibly nauseous, and last night my stomach actually hurt. like stabbey hurt. i know these things cause nausea and stuff, but i’m thinking that consuming anything that makes me feel that bad can’t possibly be good for me. or a fetus. (at least there’s no fetus that i know of yet, but better safe than sorry.) on the other hand, i hear terrible things happen if you don’t take them. thoughts?

what a fucking awful day. when i got up this morning, it was raining, so i got to drive to work in that, with the gas light on the whole time and the brakes acting kind of weird. (sohei had the day off, but didn’t feel like taking me to work.) not only could i not see for the usual rainy day reasons (dark, could only see lights reflected in pavement and not lines, etc.) but one of the wiper blades seemed messed up, and my defogger refused to work, so the windshield was completely fogged up. i kept trying to wipe it away at stoplights, but it would just fog back up again. by the time i got to work, i’d had to roll down my passenger-side window to look out and see where i was going, so i was kind of wet. stomach in knots (and not able to take my meds anymore, natch) i walked in from the parking lot and was soaked by the time i got inside. usually, this wouldn’t be a problem, because i could go downstairs and take my hoodie off and get a bit settled.

not this morning, of course. someone didn’t show up, so i had to take her desk shift. i was on the desk for about three hours (her hour + my two), stuck in my wet clothes, because i was wearing a cami underneath, and we can’t wear those without something over them or some shit. at 10:00, i announced i was going to the workshop i signed up for, so someone else would have to sit at the desk for a while, and left. the workshop was fine, except i still felt kind of sick, and gross from sitting around in wet clothes all morning. after that, t-sensei asked me if i wanted to sit in on this interview thing i’d been wanting to do for months, but i couldn’t. i had to take my lunch, because i’d been assigned to the desk for the rest of the fucking afternoon.

i wish i’d just fucking stayed home today. i’m getting tired of my job. i’d try for a librarian position, but if i change jobs now, i have to put off having a baby. again. so i’m going to stick it out. (any other job i take is going to end up the same, anyway.) but everyone keeps quitting and no one’s getting hired to replace them, so the rest of us have to do their work on top of everything else. and the scheduler’s decided he hates me for some reason within the past couple months, so i’ve been getting the worst desk shifts. and i’ve been getting more than everyone else, too, which is crap because i’m the only one there who has an actual project to work on. everyone else does the one or two things they have to do, then they fuck around on facebook and talk the rest of the time.

i know i’m not a saint, but selfish people seem to be the bane of my existence. and i got so sick of giving and just being asked for more that, in a few areas in my life, i’ve almost stopped giving entirely. i don’t volunteer for much nowadays, and i rarely help out in the department anymore. i used to do all the opening stuff – which t-sensei said wasn’t even my job – but quit once the same two people kept getting the first shift, and i was being pressured to work later. fuck ‘em. let them do all the goddamn work. when people ask me to do things, i never used to say no, but that’s my answer most of the time now. i’m getting so sick of these people that i’m just mean now. i snapped at miss daisy a few times yesterday, because she was being lazy, and i was sick of taking up her slack. then today, some jackass was passive-aggressively accusing me of stealing his highlighter (yeah, a fucking work-issue highlighter), and i finally turned to him and said, “i didn’t take your goddamn highlighter, ___. i borrowed one once, yes, and put it right back. besides, there are better ones to steal. yours are crap.” some people got smart after the dvd incident*, and quit pulling that shit, but apparently there are yet more who need schooling.

i wish i could just get in my car and drive somewhere and stay there for a month. i feel like if i have to interact with anyone at all – particularly the assholes i see on a daily basis – i’m going to snap and kill them.

*if i didn’t write about it before, a few weeks ago, this girl left a stack of dvds on my desk with a note telling me to discharge them. i found them when i came up from the subbasement, and i was about to go home. i held them up and said, “who left these on my desk?” she said she had, and that they’d been up front when it was her shift, and no one had discharged them. i told her i discharged mine, but miss daisy had been leaving all the ones she got in a pile. (leaving unsaid that miss daisy is a lazy, useless lump.) i tossed them on the front desk and said, “i always discharge the stuff at my station. don’t leave shit on my desk again, and if you feel you need to discuss something with me, talk to me about it.” i don’t even give a shit anymore if people think i’m insane. no one messes with insane people.

there is not one lenscrafters within a 30 mile radius of this godforsaken town. so i guess i’ll try to make a doctor appointment and see if she’ll send me to an eye doctor. if she does, maybe my insurance will cover it. i hate hmos… of course, maybe i’ll get lucky and she’ll say there’s nothing wrong with me and send me home. i’m definitely opting for the ppo when open enrollment time comes around, even if there’s a deductible.

[i started writing this a couple weeks ago, and then something came up and i figured i'd get back to it later. then i decided to just leave it. until today, where the first thing i saw in the news (aside from ted kennedy's brain tumor ) was hillary clinton complaining about sexism. so here's the original post and then some.]

i’ve been reading about this here and there, and then the daily show did a piece on it the other night. because i’m a woman (and white, at that) i’m supposed to be in the hillary camp, and i’m not a good feminist if i’m not. to me, this issue goes beyond gender. to make it about that trivializes the larger matter at hand, and that is, who will be better for this country, and possibly the world? (though our empire is starting to crumble, our actions are still pretty far-reaching.)

i’ll just say it plainly: i don’t think clinton would make a better president than obama. it has nothing to do with the fact that she’s a woman. it has more to do with the fact that i see her as rather hawkish, and this is a time when we need to disengage from current conflicts, not go looking for new ones. her attitude toward iran worries me. less than mccain, yes, but more than obama. also, i think her answers regarding her willingness to speak with other world leaders are insulting, and make me worry that she’s not going to do a whole lot to improve our image around the world. do i think we should be kissing north korea’s ass? no, but i also don’t think it’s a good idea to snub them or make them angry. so as far as foreign policy goes, i think obama will be way more diplomatic, and diplomacy’s what we need right now.

as for how her campaign’s being run, i’m kind of disgusted by that as well. i used to defend her to anyone who had anything bad to say about her, but i’m not going to bother anymore. and even though i was a staunch obama supporter from day one, i still didn’t feel any kind of animosity towards her, until recently. the abc debate was the last straw for me. clinton had the opportunity to call them out on their crap questions, and she didn’t. instead, she just joined them in piling on obama, and, to me, made herself look small and petty. she’s been running a largely negative, attack-based campaign. the fact that she’s holier than thou about the whole weather underground thing when her own husband pardoned two of them is one of the lamer aspects of her attack strategy. (and, normally, i wouldn’t blame someone for something someone else did, but if guilt by association is true for a pastor, it should certainly extend to husbands as well, right?)

there’s no realistic way for her to win at this point, but she keeps going, in spite of the harm it’s doing to the party. the only way for her to win is for the superdelegates to ignore the popular vote [not so much, now], and it doesn’t sit well with me that a bunch of politicians and other various entities get to decide for us who our nominee is. she can’t win without a loophole, but still she continues, ultimately weakening obama before his fight against mccain. there’s been speculation that she’s trying to ruin him so mccain wins, and she can run again in 2012. i’m not saying that’s her intent, but she sure ain’t doing us any favors. these days, she strikes me as incredibly selfish, and i have no desire to put another spoiled brat in office.

which brings me to another reason i’m for obama rather than clinton. if this country were meant to have ruling dynasties, we’d be a damn monarchy. it pissed me off to no end to have another bush in office, and i won’t be much happier to have another clinton. did bill do a good job as president? sure, he did a lot of good things, and our budget was in excellent shape when he left. but having two families essentially rule this country for most of my life leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

[and, to pick up where i left off...]

and now clinton’s accusing the media of ignoring sexism. does our media suck? yes, it pretty much does. but considering that they go after obama every time she cries foul, i’d hardly say the media has been all that detrimental to clinton recently. in fact, i assume this is why she’s bringing up the sexism thing, because every time she whines, “it’s not fair” the attacks on obama are ratcheted up. and since polls are saying she relies too much on attacks, she just wants the media to do it for her.

you know, i’d be complaining as loudly as she is. if any of it were true. as a feminist, it disgusts me that she resorts to tears and manipulative (i know that’s a loaded word, but it’s true) complaints about how unfair everyone is being to her, because she’s a girl. but they don’t! no one is being any harder on her than they are to anyone else. you’re making women look weak, hillary, and it’s crap. you get tough or stupid questions just like obama does. (in fact, he’s been getting a lot more flak than you have since you started all this nonsense.) but instead of taking them in stride, you just keep whining about what a victim you are, knowing damn well that the press, when accused thus, will fall over themselves to look “fair.” i’m not a sexist, hillary, but you’re taking all these stereotypes and fucking exemplifying them! this is further proof, to me, that you’re not ready to be president. if this is how you handle an election, i don’t even want to know how you’d handle that 3 am phone call.

maybe i am a sexist or a jerk. maybe i am a bad feminist. but right now i just feel like someone who’s been looking up to the wrong person for a long time, and experiencing the disappointment that comes with that. regardless, barack obama is someone i can believe in. i know he’ll be a great president, if he can get elected. he makes me feel like it’s not stupid to hope for a better future for this country. he makes me feel a pride i haven’t felt since i was a kid. and that’s why i chose obama over clinton.

my eye is still driving me nuts. i assume it’s one of those floaty things, and i think they dissolve. right? it wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t in my good eye, because i rely pretty heavily on it. what with the other one hardly working and all. and, in other health news, apparently, i won’t be able to take my meds anymore. one of them may cause limb defects if taken during the first trimester. (hope i didn’t get knocked up in tampa! heh. ) but i’ll freak out about that in the baby blog.

and poor brumby’s been sick. he’s eating and drinking like mad, and wet the bed the night before last, which he’s only done once before, as a puppy. he also peed on the living room floor at some point yesterday. i’m hoping it’s just a uti and can be fixed with some antibiotics. (though a uti wouldn’t explain the voracious appetite and diarrhea.) he’s going to the vet this afternoon to see what the problem might be. he had to sleep in his crate last night, which we brought upstairs so he could at least sleep in the same room as us. i missed cuddling him, and i don’t think he slept too well. i didn’t sleep well, either, because his collar was jangling through the night. poor little dog. i hope he’s okay.

i guess i’d better get back to work. blah.

sigh. i probably didn’t mention it, but i work saturdays now. it’s not so bad having to work on saturday, really. it’s pretty quiet, and i like the other people working this shift. the part that sucks is that, on the other days of the week, it’d almost be time to go home right now. instead, i have three hours left. this is the only shift on saturday, so there’s nothing earlier. after 12:00 or 1:00, time really starts to drag for me, so my work sanity cut-off time is about 5:00. that’s as late as i can generally bear to stay, and my usual end of shift time of 4:15 is perfect for me.

then came the beginning of the semester scheduling clusterfuck. at first, t-sensei was trying to get me to do 9:30-6:30 m-f, and i was all, “uh, no.” then, as a compromise, he said 7:15-4:15 t-f if i agreed to work saturdays. i figured that was fair, and decided not to whine too much when i remembered i’d need a lot of days off in the next year if i get pregnant. if i have mondays off, i can try to just go to the doctor or whatever on those days, instead of using up all my sick time. then he came back with the 8-5 nonsense (at the behest of his bosses), and i was like, “we had a deal. i agreed to come in on saturdays as long as i kept my regular shift the rest of the week. sorry, no.” so, from what i understand, he had to fight pretty hard to let me keep my shift.

ultimately, i’m glad i only have to work til 6:30 one day a week. but t-sensei and everyone else should be happy, too, because i can’t concentrate or do much after 1:00.

i’m a mess right now. the pain in my shoulder/neck is mostly gone, but i got a sunburn last saturday while out and about in the convertible. i was only out for half an hour before getting sunscreen, but i got really burnt anyway, and am now itchy and peeling. then i woke up at 5:00 yesterday morning with a charley horse that somehow managed to radiate all the way from my calf to my butt. i’m still a tiny bit gimpy from that. i’m looking forward to feeling somewhat normal again, that’s for sure.

i was reading this comment thread on the weird or stupid things gyn’s say when you’re in the stirrups. i don’t think any of them ever said anything that embarrassed or upset me. i’ve been told i have really strong abs, and also that my cervix is nice and high. (”i don’t think you’ll ever be needing a pessary!”)

but then, i’m also the earthy kind of gal who has no qualms about blogging about her cervix.

thirteen years ago today, i officially started dating the man who, six years ago today, became my husband. i still love him as much as i loved him then, if not more. he still makes my heart do that achy explody thing it did when i watched him from afar in art class. and being apart last summer proved to me that i still miss him terribly when he’s not around, like the first year we spent apart. he’s honest and faithful and hard-working. we share a lot of the same opinions and like a lot of the same things. but we’re different enough not to bore each other.

our recent trip to tampa made me really sentimental. we went to some of the places we went to back in the day. we even got to go to the lake house (his grandparents’ old house, now belonging to his dad’s girlfriend), which i haven’t been to since that party we went to soon after we started dating. and our high school had their prom the weekend we visited. sohei’s youngest brother, a senior in high school, was just coming home while we were there. (in case you haven’t heard the story a million times already, sohei and i were going to go to the prom as friends, but ended up spending so much time together getting ready for it that we started dating.)

anyway, i love you, bear. things haven’t always been perfect, but we’ve been through a lot together, and i hope we’ll be there for each other for a long time. happy anniversary.

i woke up around 5:00 this morning with a really bad pain that started in my neck and went down to my right shoulder blade and arm. it still hurts like hell, and i can’t turn my head. it’s hard to even type, and my hand is going numb. i took ibuprofen, used the massager on it, took a hot shower, stretched, and finally just tried to ignore it. but it feels like it’s getting worse.

today was supposed to be awesome, so it figures i’d sleep in some really bizarre way that immobilizes the right side of my upper body with pain. i’m taking a half day today, and sohei drove me to work this morning and is coming to get me around 11:00. we’re going to get our weekly comics and get some lunch, go home and finish packing and stuff, and hit the road. so, yeah, it’s supposed to be a pretty great day. and, of course, this is me we’re talking about, so instead of having a nice trip, i’ll be clutching at my shoulder in agony every time we hit a bump during the five hour drive. hopefully when i wake up tomorrow it’ll be better, but i’m not going to hold my breath. the last time i visited tampa, for christmas, i still had the flu from hell and was coughing my lungs up the entire time.

i’ve got some black thing floating about in my field of vision in my left eye. (that would be the good eye.) it’s driving me freaking insane. that is all.

i was just walking back from lunch with my work friend, b-kun. the ice was rattling in my cup of strawberry lemonade, and i thought about how perfect some things are. here i was, having finished a delicious lunch of nachos, heading back to the most awesome job i’ve ever had. the sun was shining, but it wasn’t too hot, because there was this lovely breeze. and those little ice cubes were floating about, making my sweet, vaguely sour drink a perfect temperature, and pleasantly clanking around to fill the quiet. and i was so filled with gratitude at this moment that it was hard to believe anything was real. i had everything someone could want.

and i thought about how lucky b-kun and i are to be living in a place where moments like these can occur. there’s so much that people take for granted, myself included. i can eat at the same table as my friend today, whereas we couldn’t have a few decades ago because he’s black. and there are still so many places in the world that are more sour than sweet. there are sour places here, too, and bitter attitudes, which make these times all the more sweet.

then i wonder why some people get to have it better than others. what did i do to deserve being born white in america? on the other hand, what did i do to deserve being a woman? (i like being a woman, by the way. i much prefer it to the alternative, even if we’re still treated like lesser people.) which leaves me to dwell on why we think life should be fair? westerners in particular seem to be very concerned with what they perceive as fair and just. fairness is important to me, too, of course. i just wonder if it’s a human thing or a western thing?

on the whole, life has been pretty good to me, and i can’t complain. sometimes i feel guilty about having so much when it feels like i’ve earned so little. sometimes i just enjoy it. and sometimes i don’t realize how good i have it. on days like today, i enjoy being alive and the benefits of being who i am. i try to think about it all and see the forest instead of the one tree that is me, but i can’t dwell on it, for some reason.

life is too cool and sweet to dwell today.

omgomgomg!

i graduated! school’s out for-evah!

digital libraries = 95% a
collection development = 87% b+

i did it! i’m done! and not one c in my graduate career! can you believe it? because i sure can’t! 20 years of school, done. i am drinking so many margaritas tonight!

i forgot to talk about the party yesterday, didn’t i? maybe later. it was good. but i just want to enjoy my euphoria for now.

i’m going to a real salon to get my hair done tomorrow. mainly, it’s because i want to see if my hair is just awful no matter how much the haircut costs. i’ve always been a $12 haircut gal, at least after mum and i stopped cutting it, because i figured my hair is just going to look terrible no matter what. it’s really fine and kind of wispy. it doesn’t flow or cascade or bounce so much as it just sort of floats there. i started cutting my own hair around the age of 15, which is also when i started dyeing it bizarre colors. i figured if it was going to look weird, i may as well go with it. now i’m getting tired of dyeing it as well. i have in mind what i want – which will be a surprise – but am not sure whether it will work out that way. no matter what happens, i’ll try to post a picture.

i had a nightmare last night that it came out bad, and i was pissed that i spent all that money just to get a haircut that looked worse than supercuts. (no, i can never just enjoy things. i can’t believe i had a nightmare about it, either.)

i don’t know why, but i read advice columns. i read this today:

DEAR MARGO: I’m 34 years old, married for 16 years. I was 18 when we married, and he is older. I was in love and thought, like many women, that I would live happily ever after. What a crock! My problem is this: I have completely outgrown this man. He treats me like one of the kids and demands control of everything I do. He can be abusive at times. I really want to leave him because I have no love in my heart for him anymore. Earlier this year I took my kids to my mother’s and stayed for two weeks. I felt liberated. The thing is, I cannot support my kids by myself. I went back to him against everything I felt. Even if I press for child support, because of what he earns, this would not be much. I only make $24,000 a year, and I have tried to make a budget out of that, but I cannot make it. My only other option is to get a second job, and then what kind of mother would that make me? I don’t know what to do. I cannot stay in our house. He has said many times that this is his house and everything in it is his, as well. He said he would destroy everything before giving me anything. I don’t want anything but my sanity and independence. How do I go about doing that and give my kids the life they deserve?

— SEARCHING FOR A WAY OUT

DEAR SEARCH: You have not only outgrown this man, he has morphed into an abusive and controlling husband. I say do whatever it takes to live your own life. Even if that life must be scaled down, the lack of tension and angst would be worth it. You mention the visit to your mother’s. Is there a chance you and the kids could move in with her? I think a competent lawyer could secure a decent settlement for you, especially knowing that this man has threatened to destroy everything before giving you anything. And after a 16-year marriage, everything in the house is not his. With decent child care, I think two jobs would be worth it. I hope you leave and I wish you good luck.

— MARGO, AUTONOMOUSLY

dear margo: it is clear that you’ve never been in a situation even approaching this one, and probably don’t personally know anyone who has. good for you! the unfortunate reality is that there are too many women out there who face the same problem, and there are no easy answers. i can tell you this, though: she can’t support two kids on $24,000/year. i make a little less than she does (and with a masters degree, no less), and i would barely scrape by on it by myself. you cannot raise two children on that. if by “scaling down” you mean going without food some days, and living in a tiny apartment in a bad neighborhood, then, yeah, i guess she’ll have to cut some of those luxuries from her life.

of course, her family would be able to eat and live in a safer place if she got a second job. but assuming the first one is full-time, she would never see her children. and do you have any idea what it costs for child care for that much time? i’m guessing you don’t have a clue. of course, depending on her situation, there may be some government aid to help her, but you don’t mention that at all in your response. i guess you wouldn’t want her to become a welfare queen or anything, because then you’d be paying her way, right? i’m sure you and your doctor husband couldn’t afford it.

and bless your heart that you’ve never known a man so petty and psychotic that he wouldn’t destroy all your stuff the minute you left the house. that woman could hire the best lawyer in the world (in your world, lawyers work for monopoly money or something, apparently) and it wouldn’t do a damn bit of good, because her stuff has either been strewn on the lawn, thrown away, or burnt, and no one can bring it back. and since she mentioned that he doesn’t earn that much, getting money out of him to replace her things or take care of the kids would be like getting blood from a turnip. good luck with that.

i just hope, for this woman’s sake, that she can move in with her mum, and that her mum can help her with child care until she works things out. because otherwise, she’s going to be exchanging one hell for another. if she has family to help her and support her, she may get out, and she can start again. a lot of women don’t have that, though. but, thankfully for all the “haves” like yourself, these women have been so beat down by life that they’re pretty out-of-the-way and easy to ignore.

— gish, irately