carvedangel.net

yay, i feel like crap.

so some work friends and i were going to go to the new campus chili’s, which opened a couple weeks ago. we’d looked at the online menu for that location, so we wouldn’t have to spend a lot of time looking at the menu there. (we get an hour for lunch.) i was going to get their soup and salad lunch, and was really looking forward to trying the chicken enchilada soup. by 11:30 (my assigned lunch time) i was starving. but my other two lunch mates weren’t ready to go til 12:00. t-sensei usually doesn’t care when i go to lunch, as long as it doesn’t interfere with my desk schedule.

we left at noon and it didn’t take long to walk there. they seated us right away. so far, so good. then i looked at the menu, and the soup and salad thing wasn’t there. i asked the waiter whether they had the soup and salad express lunch, or whatever it was called, and he looked confused. miss daisy pointed out that it was on the online menu for that very location, and he basically told her she was wrong. we’d just seen it ourselves, but whatever. so we didn’t know what we wanted and had to look at the menu. it took me two minutes to find something else, but the waiter took his sweet time getting back. we put in our orders and waited. and waited. he kept coming back and apologizing, and finally, at a quarter til, i said i was canceling my order because i had to get back to work. miss daisy and b-kun canceled as well, and we went in search of alternate fare. (i haven’t had one good experience at chili’s since i got to this stupid town.)

the school is basically closed right now, so it’s not easy to find open restaurants. the bagel place was open, though, so we went there to pick something up to take back. i was starving and beyond pissed at this point, and decided to try a bagel dog rather than getting a bag of chips out of the vending machine. it looked pretty awesome. we got back a couple minutes late, and i went to the subbasement to take a working lunch. the first couple of bites were fine. the rest of it was crap. the outside was fine, and the hot dog was alright, but the inside bit was uncooked. at first, i tried scraping the dough off, but it wasn’t coming off that well, being all sticky and all. i finally gave up on the bagel part and ate the hot dog.

and now i feel sick, and i’m pretty peeved that not only were my plans spoiled, i got a crap lunch as well.

the best month ever is almost here. (well, it’s really good this year, anyway.) my 13th/6th anniversary is in two weeks, i should be graduating, i’m going to tampa, and i get a day off work for memorial day. april kind of sucked, but whatevs.

we’re having a party at work for all the graduates on thursday, which includes me. thursday is not a good day for it, because i’m on the desk from after lunch til the meeting at 3:00. i think i’m going to have to insist i not be on the desk if the party happens in the afternoon. it’s my damn party, after all. miss daisy’s in charge of getting the cake, and she usually gets it from sams club, which is icky. their icing has a weird aftertaste. since t-sensei is paying for it, i hinted that she should get the cake from publix (a local supermarket), because their cake is so, so good, and it’s not expensive at all. but because this is miss daisy, i’m pretty sure i’m going to get a sams cake. i should have tried reverse psychology.

i’m listening to dinosaur jr. which i haven’t in ages. it makes me happy and remember-y. if i had to pick a snapshot of time to loop and live through over and over, it would be the summer before sohei left for college. from may to august. i’ve never been so happy in my entire life. we went to the prom, took a trip to iowa with my family, had my sweet 16 party, went to the beach a lot, and he lived with me for a while. and there was a lot of other stuff, too, of course. just day to day goofing off, with nothing we had to do, just doing whatever we felt like. now that i try to remember, i find that i can’t as well as i could, and that makes me sad. i remember a lot of good things, but not everything… as long as i remember what it felt like to love someone that much, it’ll be alright. because that was the best thing, and my heart still gets all splodey when i think about it.

i should really get back to work, i guess. i wish spring wouldn’t make me so… feely. aw, who am i kidding? i love that part.

holy shit, am i exhausted. i finished my last paper last night around 11:00. i’m relieved it’s all over now. just nervous about getting decent enough grades to graduate… and now i’m finding i can hardly type. my hands and wrists are all stiff. guess that’s what i get for writing all weekend. i hope today goes quickly. i need a nap, bad.

i will be in tampa in three weeks.
i will be in tampa in three weeks.
i will be in tampa in three weeks.
i will be in tampa in three weeks.
i will be in tampa in three weeks.

owwww… i woke up with a pinched nerve or something in my shoulder blade. it still hurts like hell. i’ve tried all the stretches and stuff that normally stop it hurting, and nothing’s working. i’m so tired of my body hurting.

ugh. with weekends like these, i may as well be at work.

i’ve been working on school stuff mostly, and will be for the next couple of weeks. i am so burned out on it. at least i’ll be done soon, and i’ll never have to deal with this crap again. hopefully.

then there’s the non-school stuff. like yesterday, when sohei and i were going to spend some, er, quality time together, only to find that neko had puked in the bed. and not on the sheets. no, there was copious amounts of barf all over the comforter. the $400, dry clean only, wedding present from my deceased mother – – comforter. that kind of ruined the mood. and so did sleeping with nothing for covers but a thin sheet. i woke up about every hour last night, which was lovely. then, i finally gave up on sleeping and went to use the computer that isn’t broken, only to find that the internet was out. it was out until just recently. i still managed to get some things done on my paper, but what a pain in the ass.

i hope this will be an easy week, because i’m already fed up, and it hasn’t really started yet.

okay, this is one of those fads i was totally trying to avoid. (i managed to keep my webkinz mania to a minimum, as i only own the black bear sohei bought me, and the black cat.) but i saw some ub funkeys at the store today, and took one of the packages off the shelf for a closer look. i should not have done that. they are so cute. sohei pulled me away and placated me with a frappuccino, but i still want them. specifically, i want these:

the starter kit with lotus (my favorite) and deuce
bones (black)
twinx (white)
vroom (black)
xener (black)
fallout (white)
stitch (any)
wasabi (black)
bandit, dot, and sprocket are cute, too, but i don’t know whether they’re out.

i’m not going to grow up any time soon, apparently.

friday nights have become date nights for sohei and i recently. last night we went to borders and drank coffee and read comic books, then went to qdoba for dinner. to me, this is an awesome date. i am not a dinner and movies kind of gal. this is because a) there’s always a good chance dinner will make me sick and we won’t make it to the movie and b) i hate going to the movies. i don’t hate movies. i quite like watching them at home. i just hate going to a theater to watch movies, because i don’t want to pay $10/ticket to sit with a bunch of loud, smelly idiots and hear their take on the movie i just paid too much to see. (oops, there i go being a total cunt again.)

anyway, it was very nice. it’s not like we decided, hey, we should go on dates every friday. it just kind of happened that way. but it’s good, because we actually talk some, and get to do things outside the house. and while it’s not the sort of thing you can force and have it turn out to be any good, i hope we keep doing this, because i think things are going to be totally different once the joey gets here. and while i love him even when we’re sitting around the house, when we’re out, we’re not focused on school work or how filthy the house is. we just get to enjoy doing fun stuff together. and it makes me appreciate him more for some reason.

i have to get back to work on my stupid paper, but i kind of felt like writing about that.

yesterday, sohei and i were walking home with brumby and a bag of peruvian food, respectively, and sohei was talking about his dad. i guess he’s started dating the widow of an old friend. and apparently he told sohei he thinks i won’t like her. which i thought was kind of funny, and i asked why. and sohei says she’s not religious or anything, but she says weird things about people being smited for wronging her or something. so i shrugged and said, “okay, so she’s odd. my step-mother is an actual religious nut. so?” and sohei said that i tend to be opinionated, and his dad was worried she’d say something that would piss me off. and i was like, “it’s not like i’m going to cause a scene if she says something stupid.” and sohei said he knows that, but i react strongly when i hear something i don’t like. well, yeah, around people i know pretty well, and don’t feel like i’m making an ass out of myself for being honest.

which then got me thinking about t-sensei’s labeling of me as someone with a temper. at first, i thought it was kind of laughable, because it seemed to me like if you asked anyone who’s known me forever, they wouldn’t necessarily say i’m temperamental. but i guess sohei and his dad think i’m like that, too. so maybe i am. (sohei and his dad have known me for almost half my life.)

at first, i felt kind of shocked and hurt that everyone thinks i’m such a bitch. (my words, not anyone else’s. except sohei sometimes.) then i remembered a few years ago, i did that johari window thing, and scheherezhade put “proud” for one of them, and i’d been kind of surprised. because i’d never really thought of myself as proud. but when i thought about it, i realized that a whole lot of my actions have always had a basis in pride. which is part of the reason i used to have such a problem staying employed, for example. and my problem with authority in general, i think.

so it’s not like i have absolute self-awareness or anything. regardless, the insight into how people see me lately has made me kind of sad. the word “proud” had always had kind of negative connotations to me, until i really thought about it, and realized that it was actually something i’d liked about myself for a long time. it stopped being about elitism or vanity and became that part of me that didn’t take shit from anybody. and i know you’re not supposed to like everything about yourself, but to know that everyone thinks you’re an opinionated jerk kind of hurts. i know my father-in-law loves me like a daughter, and he probably wouldn’t ever call me a jerk. but how the hell are you supposed to work on something you weren’t even aware of before now? i mean, i can try to be less of a snot, i guess, but half the time i’m don’t even know it’s happening.

generally, i don’t give a shit what people think of me, but when it’s someone i like or respect, it does matter. with the pride thing, i knew there was no getting rid of that, and i didn’t really want to. but being an opinionated bitch doesn’t do me or anyone else any good. i still stand by the fact that no matter how obnoxious that lady is, i would never say so to anyone but sohei. i can even stop myself from rolling my eyes when decorum calls for it. and i’d never tell my father-in-law i didn’t like her, unless i thought she was trying to kill him or something. still, i’ve had three people call attention to this trait in the past week. and while none of them were mean about it, i don’t think many people have ever said that’s something they love about someone, you know?

i had this weird dream last night that i’m not going to go into detail about because most of it was disturbing. but in this dream, my hair smelled really nice. i don’t know why, it just did. and it kind of stayed with me for a bit after i woke up, because i was trying to place where i’ve encountered that smell before. well, i got this new shampoo today, and as i was washing my hair, i was like, “wow. this is what my hair smelled like in my dream.” and i’ve never used this brand before. i don’t generally stand close enough to people to smell their hair, but maybe i did at some point, and it lingered in my subconscious. still, that’s kind of odd.

okay, i guess it’s time for everyone to be allowed to share in the joy. sohei and i are going to start trying for a baby this summer. and while i like hearing about baby stuff, i know a lot of people don’t, so i relegated all baby-related things to a different blog. (it is very cute, but still kind of under construction, so if you see anything weird, that’s why.) so, there you go.

sigh. what a crap weekend. i mean, it’s been nice in some ways, like spending a lot of time with sohei, and we had a nice date on friday night. but there’s that damn paper to write. and empress quit her blog, so no more kitten updates or anything. (i couldn’t think of anything to say in the comments that didn’t sound incredibly self-centered or whiny. but this is my blog, so i’ll just say right here that i’m sad about that. very.)

and i’ll be making that announcement soon since everyone thinks i’m a big, fat idiot anyway. i just want to be happier when i do it, because i might as well be.

i can’t wait to get back to tampa. only a month away…

i’m listening to the o brother, where art thou? soundtrack, and it’s taking me right back to the mountains in asheville… aside from the raging kidney infection, our honeymoon was really cool. we spent a week traveling around the south, and listened to that soundtrack most of the time. i want to do that again, except for a bit longer so we can see more, and without being sick. maybe we could after sohei passes the bar and before i get a new job. my dad is so lucky. he lives in freaking north carolina, and he never goes to asheville. i’d go at least once a month, i bet.

is it weird that i’m terrified of heights, but i really like being in the mountains? well, except when we got stuck on elk doom mountain road that one time. neither of us cared much for that.

i don’t really update much. i have a lot on my mind right now, but am not quite ready to share it with the world yet.

in other news no one really cares about…

the more i learn about obama and read the stuff he writes, the more impressed i am. it’s so weird to behold an intelligent, competent politician who seems to actually understand and care about the real issues we’re facing as a country. he’s not just another over-styled talking head to me. for the first time since i’ve been old enough to participate in the political process, i feel like i can stop being so cynical and jaded. i actually want to believe in him, you know? i just wish november would hurry up and get here.

actually, i’d be happy if may would hurry up and get here. i can’t wait to be done with school. i’m so. close. also, we might be going to tampa for a couple days, which would be awesome. and i have memorial day off. may will be good. if i graduate. also, it’s anniversary month. that would be 6 years married, 13 years total. right?

and this summer should be interesting. sohei’s going to spend a month clerking for a judge, then he’ll be off to tampa again. i’m kind of excited about being on my own again, but also nervous. then there’s that thing i’m not ready to talk about yet. (don’t worry. i’ll probably start talking about it soon, or i’m going to explode.)