sometimes, there’s so much i wish i could say, but i can’t. not even because i don’t want to, but because i don’t know how. i’m kind of overwhelmed by feelings… it helps when i work on my story, and i haven’t been able to hardly at all this week. maybe for the next couple of days, i can try to get this out somehow so i can think properly again. and even though it almost hurts, it’s good to have. i’d never be able to do anything creative without it.

I’m posting from my iPod! This rules!

aaand the ipod doesn’t work. the lower half of the screen is completely non-responsive. i looked it up online, and i’m not the only one who’s had this problem. and while i was installing itunes and moving my music over, itunes crashed. so i pretty much stand by what i said the other day re: mac/apple. now we’re going to have to go to the apple store tomorrow and try to get them to give us a new one, because i doubt this is something that can be fixed in the store. (thankfully, we’re in a town with an apple store, because tallahassee doesn’t have one.)

i think it’s safe to say that i won’t be buying any more apple stuff after this. yeah, it all looks cool, but none of it seems to work for shit. also, sohei’s laptop already has a crack/piece missing below the keyboard, near the latch. i’ve had my laptop a year, and the only mark on it is a dog scratch on the outside. sohei’s had his laptop for less than four months.

happy gift-giving day, dear readers. i’m here in tampa, which is pretty much the best gift of all. i’ll detail the trip so far, later, but i’m sure that you want to know what stuff i got on this, the most glorious day of the year. we’re going to sohei’s mum’s house later today, so i don’t know what i’m getting there. but sohei’s dad got us a 37″ lcd tv, and a satellite navigator thing for my car. and sohei got me the ipod touch i wanted.

itunes finished downloading, so i guess i’ll go try it out.

i tried to make a video to post here on sohei’s mac and, as you may have guessed, it totally didn’t work. i don’t think i care much for macs. they’re just as bad – if not worse – than windoze machines, but prettier. know how many times my laptop crashes programs? neither do i, but it’s not often. know how many times sohei’s crashed? just about every damn time, and at one point, it got stuck entirely and wouldn’t close. the interface isn’t at all intuitive either. it looks like it was designed for five year olds, but when i tried to do anything, it wasn’t immediately clear how. after fucking around with it for an hour, i gave up. i’d record, and when i played it back, it was just a white screen. the help sucked, too. so, you won’t be seeing me in all my live-action glory on here for a while, if ever.

it’s been a pretty ick day all around, so i think i’ll go find something less annoying to do.

tomorrow: tampa.

it seems like i’ve been waiting forever for this holiday to come, and it’s finally here. today was the first day of my week and a half of time off.

last night was so nice. lunachica and i had an excellent dinner (and dessert), then went shopping. unfortunately, i was wiped out before 8:00, but it was fun anyway. she got me a stitch ‘n’ bitch calendar, which is uber cool. i was afraid to look at more than the first few pages, though, because of the format. you slide the pages out of the holder, and it is indeed handy-dandy. but i’m a moron, and i know if i take all of them out, i probably won’t be able to put them back. it’s okay, though, because every day will be like a surprise.

sohei’s off the phone now, so i reckon i’d better go.

and, yeah, i’m still freaking sick. (ha! i did mention it again! )

stolen from dawna:

A Care and Feeding Q&A:

1. How can I tell if you are angry? oh, you’ll know. if i feel comfortable enough around you to rip you a new one, i will. or i’ll rant. a lot. if i don’t know you that well, the look on my face will tell you all you need to know about how i’m feeling. if you’re lucky, i’ll skulk off somewhere and stew til i get over it or write you a nasty email.

2. How should I behave around you while you are angry? leave me alone. just let me get over it. it doesn’t usually take long.

3. How do you want me to behave when you are hurting emotionally? (How is best to comfort you?) again, sometimes i just want to be left alone. i like moral support, of course. but if i don’t seem responsive, please don’t be hurt. it just makes things worse.

4. Are there things we should ~not~ discuss? you can try to discuss just about anything with me, but i’ll admit that if you get too pushy about certain topics, like politics or religion, i’ll push back, or quit talking. also, i do not like to discuss my chronic illness. i’ve been forced to talk about it before, and i don’t like it.

5. How should I treat you if you are physically ill? if i’m barfing or in pain, leave me alone. i don’t want to be touched, watched, or spoken to. if i have a cold or something, i get tired easily, so a little help with things is nice. don’t ask me to do anything strenuous or for favors.

6. What makes you happy? (that may be in my power to grant, as a friend?) stupid stuff makes me happy. things going around in microwaves (or orbiting around peter griffin), when cartoon characters’ pupils dilate, a nice breeze. what can you do to make me happy? be nice to me, send me links to funny stuff, etc.

7. How would you like for us to recognize your birthday? make it a national holiday? um, just remember it, i guess. drop me an email and say hi.

8. Are there any standing categories of presents that would be appropriate or unwelcome? not really. nothing too expensive…

9. Are there times of the year that are difficult for you? (please explain if you are comfortable.) october is bad, because it’s the month my mum died. which sucks, because it used to by my favorite month. i get a little sad between thanksgiving and christmas because, again, i miss my mum. summer months are difficult because it’s too fucking hot around here, but that’s not what the question means, i think.

10. Are there important anniversaries that we should recognize in your life? my birthday is august 21st, and my wedding anniversary is may 13th.

11. Who are the most important people in your life to whom we should defer when making plans on your behalf? don’t worry about it. surprise me.

12. What do you share with others? too much.

13. What do you NOT share with others? stuff about my illness. and, depending on who you are, anything to do with my sexuality.

14. How does someone become your friend? treating me decently. having a decent sense of humor is pretty important, too.

15. How does someone lose you as a friend? fucking me over or treating me with disrespect.

16. What scares you? driving, spiders, and the thought of something bad happening to people i love.

17. About what are you most sensitive? i’m kind of sensitive about my health. and, despite my general ability to be okay with myself, i still get sensitive about remarks regarding my weight. also, insulting my intelligence or calling me stupid is a good way to piss me off.

i was sitting at the circ desk yesterday, and, out of nowhere, i remembered a conversation i had with this woman from work, about a year ago. we were on one of our walks, and i was frustrated – as usual – taking my turn railing against my most idiotic customer of the morning. she asked whether i was looking for other work, and i wasn’t, yet. and then i remember, very clearly, saying: “you know, i don’t even care what i do at this point. i just want to sit in a small, windowless room, full of dusty books – no phone, no people bothering me constantly.” it was meant to be hyperbole, said out of frustration. but a year later, here i am. in a small, windowless room, chock full o’ dusty books, sans phone, with not. one. soul. to bother me, all day. i am living the insane, anti-social dream. i find it very funny that i’m living out my hyperbolic fantasy after all. though i’m pretty sure i’d have preferred doing research to entering gov docs into a spreadsheet, but i’m sure as hell not going to be picky about it.

hmm. maybe i should try that again. i want to marry ogre and drive a black/silver mini and own a cat with genetically engineered pink fur.

somehow, i don’t think it’ll work as well this time. unless i die, and that’s what happens when i die.

wouldn’t that be great? if, when you die, whatever you want or imagine is real? a lot of people would probably be all boring with it and just give themselves mansions and stuff. of course, you could create your own heaven or hell. i would have the best afterlife ever. in my afterlife, magic would be real, and there would be all these animals, even ones you can’t really pet, like bears. and i’d go on adventures, then come home to eat mexican food with ogre. because mexican’s my favorite genre of food, next to dessert.

man, i feel awful today. i seem to have gotten a bit worse over night, and also my stomach hurts and my period started. like i needed that. sohei says i slept very loudly last night and was all wheezing and shit. i don’t really wheeze during the day, so i was surprised. maybe if i’m not feeling any better tomorrow, i’ll go to the doctor. though i don’t want to spend my day off doing that, and i don’t see the point.

gah, i really need to get back to work. my ability to focus has been really bad lately.

despite being sick, i think i’m going to get a lot done this week. for one thing, my cold meds are making me loopy and wired. last night, i got my hair cut (very cute, thanks, rollie!) while sohei did the grocery shopping. i was pleasantly surprised by sohei’s purchases. good job! and i dyed my hair a normal color. today, i’m going to pick up gifts (hopefully) for a couple of people. maybe i’ll manic panic my hair a little, so i can enjoy being a punk ass for the week and a half i’m not at work. and tomorrow night, lunachica and i are going to go shopping for yet more gifts! w00t. and maybe get dinner, too. i am, as always, very happy to be seeing her again. even if i’ve been a busy, sick lame-o and didn’t go to any of the cool holiday stuff with her.

sohei got me lunch fixins and capri sun at the store last night, so i brought an actual, proper lunch with me today. i’m looking forward to it. i forgot to pack the chips he got me, though.

seriously, enough with the coughing already. it’s making my neck hurt. or maybe i have meningitis, who knows?

i just downloaded some stuff off of emusic because sohei’s not using it. he wasted an entire month of songs already, so i’ve just been downloading whatever i want. mostly scarling and voltaire, so far.

i’m freaking starving. i’d better go work or whatever.

the day is almost over… i need to rest, but there’s a bunch of stuff to do.

i didn’t get in trouble for going over my sick time allotment. i wish i could take this job back home with me, because i’m worried i might not be as happy at another job. my bosses never give me crap about anything. there’s really nothing i don’t like about this job, except maybe a couple people don’t like me. but a lot of people seem to, so i don’t care.

my cold medicine is making me high on life.

is it retarded to leave a job i love to live in a certain city? i guess it’s moot, because this job doesn’t pay enough to be a long-term career. and no one’s leaving around here any time soon. damned antediluvian librarians. (just kidding, most of them are very nice. but i want their jobs.)

i was thinking about my wanderlust tendencies the other day. and how badly i wanted to come here, for adventure. but i pretty much ended up hating it right away. this always happens. every time i move away from tampa, i want to go back. but once i’m there, i’m like, “hey, i’ve lived here forever and done everything. i want to see other places.” i know for a fact that i inherited this from my dad. he’s the same damn way. but then i leave and move somewhere else, and i’m like, “wow, this place is boring and sucks and i want to go home.” the obvious solution is to go on vacations out of town more.

i am very much looking forward to returning home. i want to go back to my awesome house and make it all pretty and be more appreciative toward it. i never really wanted to sell you, tri-level, open-floorplan, very modern townhouse. even if the sea level rises due to global warming and engulfs us, i shall stay, and go down with the ship as it were. i would work at a public library if i had to, to be with you again, dear house.

it’s a good thing i’m going home next week. i can’t visit my house because someone’s living there now. she’d better take damn good care of it.

oh well. my meds are causing me to talk too much again.

will this fucking cold ever go away?? bloody hell. i have to go to work tomorrow, too, no matter what, so it’d better. sohei seems to be coming down with it now, too. i guess, as long as it doesn’t turn into pneumonia, i should just be thankful it didn’t happen over the holidays. still, i haven’t done any christmas shopping, and i have a bunch of other stuff to do before i leave that i don’t feel like.

also, i’ve been waiting all day for my damn grade. he said it’d be out today, but nothing. after the close call in my other class, i’d really like to see what i got.

just went to double check and i got an a- for the semester. which is good, because i don’t think i could stand it if i had to put up with more shit right now.

i apparently didn’t have as much sick time as i thought, though. i don’t know what this means, but t-sensei didn’t make it sound like i was in trouble. hard to tell with him, though, as he’s one of those people who doesn’t like to yell or be the bearer of bad news. crap. well it’s not my fucking fault i got sick. maybe if people actually stayed home instead of coughing all over everyone else, it wouldn’t be an issue.

next week had better go a lot more smoothly than this one, or i’m going to lose it. i suspect hormones, on top of being sick, have a lot to do with my current shit attitude, but that doesn’t make it feel any better.

it’s been a day of fantasy and fun. and by that, i mean that i’ve been either sleeping, watching tv, or coughing my lungs up. at 5:00 this morning (after finally falling asleep around 2ish) my cough was so bad that my throat started bleeding and i couldn’t breathe. so i figured a trip to cvs was in order. i got mucinex, cough syrup, and more useless cold medicine, and went home. i took the mucinex with a full glass of water per instruction, and promptly barfed it up everywhere, along with the chili cheese fries i was stupid enough to eat for dinner last night. nothing’s better than cleaning up sick on three hours’ sleep. unless it’s cleaning up someone else’s sick, right, mum? aaaanyway… so i wasn’t sure i should take more mucinex since a) it might have been the cause of the hurling and b) it’s heavy-duty stuff, and i wasn’t sure how much actually made it into my system. i ended up taking some cough syrup and fell asleep again around 7:00. i managed to sleep until around 10:00, then went downstairs to keep from waking sohei. after reading for about an hour, i fell asleep again and woke up at 1:00 when sohei came down, grumbling because i’d let him sleep too late. i’ve pretty much been watching tv and suffering since. no writing today, i don’t think. i need to lay down again.

man, i hate being sick. at least i got sick the week before my vacation. i’ve been getting a lot of writing done, though, coz i had to stay home from work yesterday. and i drove sohei to a party last night, which i didn’t attend because, unlike some people, i don’t like spreading my germs all over the fucking place. he got a ride home, so i didn’t have to drag my ass out for the rest of the night. and today it’s too rainy to go anywhere, even if i wanted to. though i reckon i’ll have to run to the convenience store for more smokes. i’m so glad i’m quitting soon. addictions suck. if i didn’t feel the need to suck down around a pack a day, i wouldn’t have to go anywhere.

and sohei is downstairs sulking and playing his new video game. he’s mad because, instead of ignoring me in the same room, he has to ignore me long distance. whatevs. i get way more done without his game going on in the background.

ooh, i just had a wickedly disgusting idea for later in my story. i love when that happens. it had nothing to do with what i was just talking about, which is typical. i jotted it down, so hopefully i won’t forget it later.

you know what’s marginally worse than a sore throat? snotting everywhere. i hope i feel better tomorrow, coz i need to get my hair cut and pick up some presents for people.

none of this is particularly interesting, so i guess i’ll get back to work.

oh, but one more thing, i forgot to mention. my review at work was really good. but my grades are kind of bad. i got a b- in one of my classes, which is about the worst grade i think i got in library school so far. it was very close to a c, and, as we all know, two c’s and yer out. as long as i got a b in my law class, i should be alright. just one more semester to go without flunking out…

i think i’m coming down with the latest plague to go around work. my throat hurts and stuff.

it’s been good working on my story again, when i can. i’m hoping i can work on it more this weekend.

i’ve been juggling about five books as well. it’s one of the hazards of the job. i hate being on the desk, because people turn stuff in, and i’m like, “oooh… that looks interesting… nonono. no more books.” if i didn’t exercise a little self control, i’d probably have over 50 books out right now. as it is, i have about 10-15, i think.

and i’ve figured out why i’ve been in such a mood lately. it’s because i’m freaking nuts. i want to be alone so i can write. i really, really want to be alone. at the same time, i’m feeling incredibly lonely. it’s stupid and doesn’t make any sense, but when have i ever made sense? i think i know what i want, but it’s unrealistic.

the trip to the toy store today was fun. i got a bratz doll, a ben 10 action figure, a neat dinosaur, and a hello kitty activity pack for the toys for tots thing. it was a field trip, so i was there with people from work, and some of them were getting stuff that most kids have no interest in. i wanted to go through their carts and toss half the stuff out. kids don’t want a puzzle for christmas. they want dolls and action figures and video games and stuff. and, you parents out there, i kept you in mind. none of the toys i purchased were noisy or messy. no squeaking, no slime, no explosions.

the boss is calling, so i’d better go. not going to get anything done on my story tonight. again.

while drifting into a coma this afternoon, i got a snippet of something neat. i was holding a book, which was a manifestation of someone’s memories, and it kind of turned into dust, and i was seeing their memories somehow. i don’t know whose, as the whole thing lasted about 30 seconds, but wouldn’t it be neat if there was such a thing?

my little blackouts are getting pretty entertaining.

okay, this is driving me nuts. so i’m here in the subbasement, as usual, and i start dozing off, as usual. minutes before, i’d been seized by sudden inspiration, and decided to write a little. (yes, i’m naughty for writing at work, etc.) so i’m writing, and i start slipping into that weird frenetic sleep state. except that music is already playing, because i’ve been listening to it all afternoon. and while i was getting sleepy, i was having a very hard time trying to word something. so then i “sleep” for a few seconds, and a bunch of weird shit happens in my “dream” and the gary numan song i was listening to got very weird, and became like saw noises. and as i was snapping out of it, it felt like i’d had an epiphany and was ready to keep writing. but, instead, i’d stare at the screen and doze off again.

also, i’m having a really hard time typing right now. i wish i’d mentioned this while i was at the doctor, because it’s beginning to worry me. i can’t think straight, i have a hard time remembering simple words, i can’t do the easiest things, like type… and i’m sick of not being able to keep my eyes open. it doesn’t matter how much sleep i get, i still feel like this. and i keep getting enraged because i can’t remember what i’m trying to say, or i can’t type as fast as i want, accurately.

i’m so sick of being tired.

(stolen from james.)

1. Go to the Wikipedia home page and click Random Article (on the side menu). That is your band’s name.
2. Click random article again; that is your album name.
3. Click random article 15 more times; those are the tracks on your album.

band name: Staffordshire Moorlands (UK Parliament constituency)
album name: 2007 IIHF World Championship Division I
tracks:
1. Utah Coalition for Educational Technology
2. Shijō Saikyō no Deshi Kenichi [decided to go jpop on this one, i guess.]
3. Trik FX
4. Jalahalli [staffordshire moorlands sure seems to have an international flavor.]
5. Nuba fighting
6. My Lucky Star [that actually sounds like a song title.]
7. Marek Sobieski
8. RocketBowl
9. Pelles C
10. Waima language
11. Motorsport in the United Kingdom
12. Majakowskiring
13. Eculizumab
14. Moby Grape (album)
15. Diarthrognathus

i’m doing this for my solo project, i think.

so i guess my evaluation isn’t today. it got moved to tomorrow. it’s just as well. i’m in a mood today. not a bad mood. but now that i’m working on my story again, i keep getting all immersed in it like before, and all i can think about are plot lines and stuff. it’s always so dangerous when i create these worlds, because i prefer to inhabit them, and when i’m forced to live in the real world, i start getting really depressed. i pine for these places that don’t exist, and suffer until i can go back.

what’s really stupid is, it’s not even a very nice world. but it’s a lot more interesting. also, i don’t have to interact with anyone, coz my characters are doing that, and it’s more entertaining to watch them.

sometimes, i wish i could just slip into a catatonic state, get institutionalized, and live in the little worlds i create for myself. i’d hate living in an institution otherwise, but if i were lost somewhere else, i don’t think i’d notice or care.

this seems like the first weekend in forever that i haven’t had to do anything. i goofed around most of the day, and played rock band for a few hours. my voice is shot, though.

not sure why i’m blogging. i’ve had a lot on my mind, but nothing that would come out coherently. some of it is stuff i probably wouldn’t share with the internets, anyway. i wrote a post the other day that i felt so stupid about that i didn’t even bother making it private. it was three pages long and i ended up deleting it. i guess it helped to write it. but i wish mum were here, because she’s about the only person i want to talk to about it. i’m not dying or in trouble or anything. maybe someday i’ll write an enormous post somewhere and just vomit my conscience all over the place. then people i don’t know can tell me how evil i am, and i’ll be able to feel shitty about myself in peace.

or maybe it’s just things that humans think about, and i’m so out of touch i can’t tell. my standards for myself feel unrealistic sometimes.

since i don’t want anything for christmas, i came up with a brilliant idea. i asked sohei if my present could be that i get to buy some kid a really awesome present with the money that would have been spent on my gift. he thought that was pretty ridiculous. i’m feeling bittersweet about christmas this year. i’m looking forward to going back home. when christmas songs come on the radio, i get all happy, but i also feel kind of teary. i assume it has something to do with mum, but i’m not sure.

it would be nice if you could wish for something so hard that it would have to come true. it’s not that i’m not trying to do anything about it, but it’s kind of half-assed. it kind of has to be.

how can so many people be so nice to me, yet i still feel like this? lots of people at work are very nice to me. i’m going to miss them when i leave. t-sensei asked me the other day whether he was going to have to replace me when i graduate, and i told him maybe. i told him i’m going to try to get a job back home, but that it could take a long time. he wasn’t put off by it or anything. we’re pretty frank about future plans and stuff. my evaluation is on monday, and i’m thinking it should go okay. if it doesn’t, i’ll probably be pretty sad. and surprised.

time to get sick, then go to bed, i guess.

so, what’s gish been up to lately, you ask? or not.

on wednesday, i went to the doctor for my yearly. here’s what i learned: my cholesterol and blood sugars are borderline, my good cholesterol is low, i don’t have syphilis (she says they test everyone for that. i’m suspicious. ), urine tests aren’t particularly helpful when you’re menstruating, and my joints are very flexible. (i actually knew most of that.) she said my blood sugar and cholesterol situation should improve if i walk for 30 minutes every day. and if that doesn’t work, she’ll send me to a nutritionist. i’ve been going to the same doctor for a year, and this is the first time she mentioned my weight, which i totally appreciate. she wasn’t shitty to me about it, either. and she didn’t try throwing pills at me. i really like this doctor. oh, also, i haven’t gained any weight. but eating whatever i want apparently isn’t great for my blood, so maybe i should tone it down a little.

things are going alright on the work front. i’m back to my old project. this is nice because i don’t want to fall asleep the minute i get home, and the soreness is going away. this is slightly bad because i’m back to seeing t-sensei for a couple minutes a day, if that. since my work friend has been working the finals night shift all week, we haven’t really been able to chat, so i guess i’m feeling kind of lonely. i wish i’d volunteered for the all night thing, coz it might’ve been fun. maybe i will for spring, if i’m not too busy.

also, i got a new computer with monitor, and the guy that installed it moved all my stuff over to the new computer, and put my flair on the new monitor when he was done setting up. (i had a lei from the summer luau hanging on it, and a plastic bat on top from the halloween fair.) now that’s service! it has been my experience that, when tech guys come to replace equipment, your flair can end up either tossed aside on your desk or maybe on the floor. i was so thrilled with my new setup that i cleaned my keyboard, key by key. seriously. whoever had it before me obviously never did, because it was covered with green dust. it looked like pollen or something.

anyway, i’d better get back to work. i won’t continue being beloved if i goof off too much. besides, i have a dessert cook-off to enjoy this afternoon.

lest i seem all doom and gloom, i suppose i’ll talk about some good things.

first off, i finally ordered the last harry potter book. and, because i can’t turn down free shipping, i added the golden compass boxed set to my order as well. the bear on the cover caught my interest years ago, but now that i know i’ll go to hell if i like the series, i totally have to read it. every little bit helps, right? (is it truly evil for me to chortle every time i tell yet another bible-thumper around here that i’m an atheist and heathen? the looks on their faces are so priceless…)

also, the shifting project has been a total bitch, but my supervisor has been there beside me in the trenches for the past couple of days. in fact, today, he did most of the work while i sat there jabbering at him. i must have kind of worked hard, though, coz i’m still pretty damn sore. anyway, i like talking to him, because instead of looking at me like i’m insane, he’ll laugh. and not in that “heheh, um, i have to go be over here now” kind of way. like he’s genuinely amused, and i’m one of those quirky indy movie girls or something. heehee. because he’s my mentor, he does his best to instill me with his wisdom whenever he gets the chance. so far, i’ve learned that people who go to thailand come back gay. i kid, i kid. only half of them do. no, really, he has good things to say. in a not preachy way. and, at one point, i came back with an empty cart, and he said, “i was just sitting here, thinking of all these enlightening things to say, but now that you’re back, i forgot.” or something like that. best. supervisor. ever.

anyway, the computer’s about to die, and i reckon i’d better get to bed. i can live with another day of shifting if i get to engage in two minute snippets of conversation with my sensei.

it’s strange what you’re thankful for when someone you love has died. or that you can be thankful at all.

i read this article, and this guy was watching tv with his wife when she suddenly had an aneurysm. he was thankful that he could be with her while she died. it reminded me of all the weird things i was thankful for when mum died. and made me feel slightly less odd about it. i was thankful that she’d managed to hang on til i got there. that i got to hold her hand when she left. that the weather was suitably cold and rainy and dark on that day. that the day was gorgeous when we buried her, like the land of her birth was welcoming her back, one last time.

maybe being grateful for something is all that keeps you sane.

i am so ready to go back to bed. i didn’t sleep well, for one thing. and it rained on my way to work this morning, making the drive particularly stressful. arg, i hate typing on this damn work laptop. and the elevators smell like old cereal milk and sick again.

it could be worse, though. i could be at my old job.

i’m interested in seeing what the work blog drama will develop into. my department has a blog. i won’t link to it, because i don’t want anyone backtracking here. there’s this one guy who’s always trying to get us to revolt or something, and it’s kind of hilarious. are some of our policies retarded? hell yes. do i care enough to engage in a discussion on the work blog about it? nope. i used to get all feisty about workplace unfairness, but the thing is, as jobs go, this one is pretty good, and the stupid policies are kept to a surprising minimum. besides, like i said on the work blog, my outrage meter is pretty much busted right now.

it’s over!!! hahaaaaaa! i just have a couple of posts to do this week (easy) and the semester’s over. no more papers! *relieved sob*

just three pages away from a month of freedom… three weeks away from a well-deserved holiday… i’m so burnt out. three pages is nothing, but i can’t focus. tomorrow, i have a real bitch of a project at work, but i’m almost looking forward to it. anything but schoolwork.

and, after today, i need a vacation from sohei as well.

tis the season for people to start asking me what i want for christmas, apparently. and i have no idea. i kind of want an ipod touch, but at $300, i’m embarrassed to ask for it. i have pretty much everything i could want. usually, i ask for a new video game system, but i’m good to go on that front. there are a few games i want, but i so rarely have time to play the ones i already have that it seems wrong to ask for more. i have plenty of clothes, quite a bit of booze, and a sweet laptop. we don’t need a new tv or digital camera or sound system or camcorder. the only thing i want is something no one can give me: time. i want more time to enjoy the stuff i’ve already got. come to think of it, i guess there are a few things i want:

* someone else to do my schoolwork
* a country i don’t have to be ashamed to hail from
* a baby (preferably a girl, but i won’t be picky at this point)
* the end of fundamentalism, in all forms (i’m looking at you, sudan)
* ohgr.

well, that’s a good start. hop to it, people.

(yes, i’m still working on that paper. i can have a break sometimes, no?)