sohei is home again, and all is right with the world. the house is immaculate, and i don’t have any homework to do. in fact, aside from taking the online driving course to get the points off my license, i don’t have to do anything but go to work, until school starts again. i missed brumby a lot, too. it’s nice to have the whole family together. also, sohei brought me a present. he got me a black bear webkinz. and i didn’t even ask for one! does he know me or what? when he gave me the bear, i started squealing. it’s so, so cute. and the online component is neat, too.

anyway, my mother in law is coming over later this evening and is staying the night. so i’d better enjoy sohei and goof off while i still can.

well, sohei will be coming home tomorrow for good. it has been a long and interesting two and a half months without him. it was my first time living on my own, and i think it was a success. this summer, i:

found a job, applied, interviewed, and accepted.
drove to tampa and back, by myself. twice. with no major mishaps. (it may have shaved a couple years off my life, though.)
made some neat friends.
driven to places in tallahassee i’ve never been before without getting lost.
took my car to the shop and got it fixed without getting cheated.
mostly got the creditors off my back.
paid my traffic ticket and dealt with the insurance company, which was harder than it sounds.
was mostly very happy.

i also:
started smoking again.
ran into a parked truck and got a ticket.
drove to tampa and back on separated tires.

you know, i could’ve sworn there were other crises, but i don’t remember them now. at any rate, i’ve done pretty well on my own. knowing that i can go it alone has made me feel better about nearly everything. i wasn’t sure i could do it, and at some points i wanted to ask sohei to come home, but i didn’t. after almost three months, i’m alive and well, with an intact house, car, and a decent job. i made it! that’s not to say i’d want to do this again, though. not for this long, anyway. i’ll kind of miss some things, like the freedom to do pretty much whatever i want. if i feel like going to the mall, i can. if i want to watch footballers wives, i can do so without ridicule. at the same time, i don’t enjoy being alone quite this much. i’ve enjoyed my solitude, but there have been times i’ve been kind of lonely and even scared. like when the doorbell keeps ringing itself or when i get out of the shower and hear a crash in the living room (only to discover it was neko knocking something over).

i’ve learned some things about myself and had a lot of time alone with my thoughts. and i surprise myself all the time. but enough navel gazing for now. i’m finally getting sleepy so i should try to go to bed.

holy shit, i’m tired. well, my body is. the rest of me is still wide awake. sohei’s coming home tomorrow, so i’ve been cleaning all evening. fridays are tough anyway, work-wise. i don’t have any desk time, which is about the only rest i get, aside from my lunch break. i was already worn out by 2:00, but kept on keepin’ on until 4:00. then i picked up some dinner and sat around for a while. i didn’t really feel like cleaning, even after vegging in front of the tv. but once i got started, i didn’t stop til around 1:00. and now i can’t sleep. my back and legs are killing me, and i have to get up tomorrow and finish cleaning. despite being sore a lot of the time, there’s something really satisfying about having a job where i’m not just stuck at a desk all day. i’m on the move almost constantly, pulling books off of shelves, and carrying heavy stuff around. even when i’m sitting to do the lower shelves, i’m still doing a lot of moving with my upper body. my shoulders actually burn sometimes. maybe it’s the farmer in me (thanks, midwestern rube family!), but there’s nothing like putting in a hard day’s work. besides, a little physical stress beats the hell out of the mental and emotional drain that my old job was. i’m not saying i’d be up to day labor, but it’s nice to prove to myself what i’m capable of.

that being said, a back rub would be really welcome right now.

guess who got straight a’s? gish did! woo woo! 100% in one class and 96% in the other. don’t ask me how the hell i did it, coz i don’t know. this has been an insanely stressful semester, what with sohei being gone, changing jobs, relentless creditors, etc. (fuck you, home equity people. you’ll never take me alive!)

thanks for putting up with me when i was in a funk. it always gets better, but when you’re in the midst of it, it never seems that way.

i never remember what i talk about anymore, and i’m too lazy to look and see whether i’ve talked about this before.

also, i have a touchscreen laptop at work and i keep wanting to do that with this one.

anyway, i was encouraged to take on a new project at work. all the government documents we just boxed in the subbasement now need to be unboxed and either discarded or shelved. (don’t ask me why it was done this way.) i hesitantly agreed to spearhead the efforts, and yesterday i got an email that outlined procedure and saw my name on it. i’m in charge of collecting statistics. i became panicky at the responsibility as well as the word “statistics.” but i figured out what to do and prepared some spreadsheets and presented them at the training today. my boss was pretty happy with it, and i started implementing some of the procedures before the big departmental (yawn) meeting. so far, it seems to be going well.

i was too tired to write anymore last night, so i’ll continue the post now.

so, i’ve been noticing at work that some people treat me… i don’t know how to explain it. they don’t talk down to me, but they treat me like a kid. which is understandable because i’m not the most professional person in the world. still, it confused me. well it turns out that a lot of people are under the impression that i’m 21 or 22. i’m glad i look young, i guess, but it’s disconcerting to be treated like you’re 22 when you’re closer to 30. there is a difference. sohei had been complaining about the same thing. everyone at school thinks he’s a kid, too. i didn’t think it could be that bad, but it is kind of off-putting.

also, we found out today that someone’s renting our st. pete house. how did we find out? when sohei went to check on the house, only to find someone living there. to say it freaked us the fuck out is an understatement. but the lady living there was probably pretty freaked out, too. apparently, she signed the lease on the 11th and no one bothered to tell us. so we have one less thing to worry about, now that we won’t have to foreclose or declare bankruptcy. but it’s still weird and annoying, and i’m glad she wasn’t one of those shoot first ask questions later kind of tenants. otherwise, the idiot leasing agent would have a lot more to deal with than pissed off clients. i still don’t know what’s going on with it, but sohei said he’d deal with it tomorrow.

it seems like there was something else i wanted to talk about, but i don’t remember. i will be making a private post on another topic, however…

You’re Not Very Fit

And you’re likely to admit that exercise just isn’t your thing. Maybe you need to experiment with new activities to find something you love. Whether it’s roller derby or surfing, just getting out there and moving will do wonders!

really??

You Are a Skin Deep Sweetheart

You may be supermodel gorgeous or a plain Jane. It really doesn’t matter, because you’re confident and secure. You don’t go out looking like a slob, but you are low maintenance. You have better things to worry about than whether your nails are the right shade!

i just saw that there’s going to be an aqua teen simpsons. no freaking way.

Guys Think You’re Easy to Be With… But Not Easy

And you’re crafty enough to get away with it! But you probably wouldn’t cheat… (Unless the relationship was pretty much over)

You Have Him Totally Hooked

Your guy is all yours – and happily so. He loves being around you, and he totally sees you as a couple. It looks like you two have a great future together – if you want it!

He Loves You For You

When it comes to your body, your guy hardly notices It’s nothing to do with the way you look… He’s just has really fallen for you But make sure to stay sexy – keep the chemistry going strong!

after 12 years and 70 pounds, what do you expect?

upon closer inspection, i’m not sure the previous picture was all that accurate. it looks like you can see a brain through the holes in his head.

anyway, the shopping trip was a success. my watch has new batteries, and now you can see the kanji numbers ticking off the seconds, which it hasn’t done for a long time, coz that battery died long before the one operating the hands. and i got a new black bra, which i’ve needed for a while. i also discovered i’ve gone up yet another bra size. now i’m a d-cup. and let me tell you, the only people that enjoy breasts that size are men, coz they don’t have to carry them around. i actually miss my perkier b’s sometimes. i’d think it was causing my lower back pain, but my big booty kind of cancels it out, right? (or maybe it’s making things worse.) i didn’t even try to look at shoes today. the only place that has one stars is the converse website, and you have to customize them and pay $65 for it. at this point, i’d pay that, but i ain’t buying shoes i can’t try on first. and i’m still feeling too pouty to buy anything else yet.

then i had to go to the grocery store, and the parking lot was packed. i hate that. i still can’t park worth a damn (thank you near-useless right eye) so i need some space. i managed to park without hitting anything and got everything i needed for the week. i decided against getting my hair cut and went home. coz damn, it’s hot out there. when i got home, i cleaned out the fridge and put everything away, then took out the trash. which is when i discovered someone’s been using our trash can. this pissed me off a little, coz 1) i try not to produce enough garbage to have to haul the behemoth to the curb more than every two weeks, and 2) i have a lot of spring cleaning to do before sohei gets home, and i need full capacity of the bin. i suspect that it was our neighbors that are on the trash can side of our house, because i’m pretty sure our attached neighbors would have asked first. if you want to use my trash can, i’ll probably say it’s okay (as long as it’s like one bag’s worth) but you need to, you know, ask. so i had to haul the damn thing to the curb today. at least i got that done before it started storming, which it’s doing now. well, lightning. i don’t see any rain yet.

i’m beat. sohei’s mum is coming to stay with us next sunday, so there’s a lot of cleaning to do, but i’m too tired right now.

i’m fixin’ to go shopping, but wanted to share this first, courtesy hollywoodzombies.com:

looks pretty accurate to me.

i’m done! the semester is over!

now: shoppingu!

by the way, the last post i made last night was a total lie. i didn’t actually go to sleep til around three, and i had dreams about being pregnant and going to a meeting at work. that was a weird dream, too, but it wouldn’t interest anyone else, and i have to get back to work.

i stayed up too late last night… anyway, i had a dream that i found out i was pregnant and i was happy and all, but i was also terrified. i remember telling sohei that i wish it were like the sims and i could save before i got pregnant and see it through and see if i liked having a baby, and if i didn’t, i could just re-start. i was scared that we wouldn’t have fun anymore and was afraid that i’d grow to resent the responsibility. in reality, this is probably a valid fear. at least i can think clearly in my dream. when i’m awake, i’m all for it, but sleep is where i’m a realist. of course, it’s not like we’re big partiers, and we’re always at home anyway. i’m was also afraid, in the dream, of the pregnancy itself. i’m always sick as it is, and i was worried about being uncomfortable and possibly more sick for nine months, without the benefit of my stomach medicine. and then there’s the labor, of course. i’m about the biggest pain wuss there is, but i’m also terrified of getting stuck in the spine with a needle. the pain and discomfort is actually a fear i’ve admitted to while awake. in the dream, since i was actually pregnant, i felt rather more gripped by the inevitability of all of it. in the dream, i felt so torn, because i was excited, but i also wondered if maybe it wasn’t a good idea after all and i shouldn’t go through with it. i think i should maybe tell my hormones (or whatever it is that makes you want a baby so badly when you hit 25 or so) to shut the fuck up and go back to my old self that knew that having a baby is a terrible idea for someone like me.

i also think i should finish my damn paper so i can actually get some other stuff done.

well, it’s been a rich, full day of paper writing. there’s a little left to do on it, which is getting done tomorrow. i’m going to sleep now.

uhhhhhhhh. since no one’s around to kick my ass, i’m back. i obviously need a larger audience. or just a few people with nothing better to do.

my life is an open book, but no one wants to read it.

seriously, if someone were to stalk me, there’s plenty of fodder here. i guess, though, now that all the juicy stuff is hidden, it’s probably of no interest to anyone. at least no one noticed that i listened to a bubba sparxxx song today. until i told everyone just now.

i’ve said before that i don’t care about whether anyone reads this, and i still don’t. as it is, i’ve regretted telling people this is here, because now i have to make a lot of entries private. i’m pretty sure no one i know irl reads here anymore, except maybe sohei. being boring can be a good thing, who knew?

it’s all thundery now. i hope it rains.

have you ever listened to a song and waited for something to happen and it never did? i hate that. hello, it’s called a chorus. or even a bridge. give me something, here. also, why does pandora think i asked for suck music? i don’t remember telling it to play suck music.

i can see how everyone would think i’m the most fascinating person, ever.

the other day, when i was working in the stacks, i thought how much i’d like to tell my mum about everything. she would be so happy for me. i may tell the folks over at tower road, coz i know a lot of them will be thrilled for me. i wish i could see them again. i don’t know when i’ll be back in gainesville again, though…

also, i guess i never shared ju-chan’s results. i feel stupid about talking about it at all, since it’s not really my place to put it out there. but since i did, i guess i’ll let y’all know what happened. apparently, the tumor was cancerous, but they think they got all of it, so she should be fine. and the scar on her face is small, so everything should be all right. i guess that makes me the only person in my immediate family who hasn’t had cancer. w00t. (did you just sense me jinxing myself there? coz i felt it.) i think i’ll be getting a yearly skin check along with that other yearly…

shit, i’m boring myself. i was about to wish for something exciting to happen, but whenever i do that, it turns out to be bad excitement.

You Are Cereal

Playful and lighthearted, breakfast is likely your favorite meal of the day. (In fact, you’re probably the type who sneaks cereal as a midnight snack.) Your culinary skills are probably a bit lacking… and you are a sucker for junk food. Some people accuse you of eating like a kid, but you prefer to think of yourself as low maintenance.

Your Superpower Should Be Invisibility

You are stealth, complex, and creative. You never face problems head on. Instead, you rely on your craftiness to get your way. A mystery to others, you thrive on being a little misunderstood. You happily work behind the scenes… because there’s nothing better than a sneak attack! Why you would be a good superhero: You’re so sly, no one would notice… not even your best friends Your biggest problem as a superhero: Missing out on all of the glory that visible superheroes get

You Are a Fierce Femme

You have a wild side, and you aren’t afraid to bring it out when the time is right. But you also know when to hang back and keep your “crazy chick” persona in check. In fact, some of your friends may be surprised to find out how far you can take it… You may look mild mannered, but it’s all an act!

What Your Black Outfit Means

You’re a sophisticated woman with big city taste. You have a strong creative force – even if you don’t wear the boldest clothes. You tend to intimidate people. But the right guy won’t be intimidated by you! Designer match: Dolce & Gabbana Signature accessory: Gold framed sunglasses

gold framed sunglasses? yuck.

yeah, i still don’t feel like writing my paper. and even though i finally ate something, my hands are all shaky. this sucks…

ugh. i can’t focus. this always happens. i wonder if i have add. it would help if i could disable my internet connection, but i need it to write my paper. you know, for sources and stuff. i just don’t feel like working on this. the class is boring, and i tried to pick the least boring topic i could (faceted classification) but it’s boring, too. i want to work on my website instead. i have an idea for a new layout, and i’m going to chuck the ie layout. since it looks like crap no matter what. and i guess i should try to update my software, in case that would stop it from being so buggy. but since i use so many plug-ins, that’ll be a long, frustrating process. if i could just finish this damn paper, i could do all the other stuff i want to do. mehhhhhhhh. i wish it were just finished. then i’ll have a month off from school. i don’t suppose anyone wants to write this for me. any takers? maybe i can bribe someone from our tech services department. cataloging is what they do. but then, i’m not sure paper-writing is what they do. in fact, i’m pretty sure it’s not. especially to help an annoying person who wandered around their department coughing constantly, and who also, at one point, made this weird, loud awkward laugh at something her supervisor said. (it couldn’t be helped. i coughed and laughed at the same time, and it came out like a tortured animal noise.)

oh why did i choose such a weird major? i could very happily be a senior lta for the rest of my days, and not need a degree at all. except that sohei keeps bugging me about how awful the pay is, and i can’t live with that forever. and i tried asking him if my ceasing to whine about how badly my life sucks wasn’t worth $4000/yr and he said it wasn’t. i think not wishing i were dead every day is a pretty good trade, though.

hmm. i’m hungry. am i hungry enough to take a break? do i feel like making lunch? uhhhh. not really. the caffeine from my coffee not only didn’t help wake me up, but also made me all sick and more lethargic, and i’m not sure i feel like eating at all. i wish coffee didn’t make me sick. i love it so. the other day, i was at the starbucks kiosk in our lobby, buying a muffin for lunch, and the cashier asked if i didn’t want coffee. i said no thanks, and he asked if i didn’t like it. i told him i like coffee, but it doesn’t like me. mean coffee. and when i’m at the circ desk, i can smell it and i want some so badly, but i know i can’t have it. i’m not sure they even offer decaf at the kiosk, but maybe i should ask.

why can i write about stupid things like coffee, and not my paper? why are papers so serious? why can’t i just write pages about what i think of the topic? it wouldn’t run that long, i guess. “faceted classification is the best system because it’s so awesome. grouping subjects is fun and it’s easy for idiots like me to classify stuff. and it’s far neater than loc’s boring-ass hierarchal system, which confuses the fuck out of me on a daily basis. in conclusion, everyone should use faceted classification instead of that racist, short-sighted asshole dewey’s system. ranganathan forever!”

i’d give me an a.

sigh. i added a new music widget to my sidebar, coz i’ve been listening to pandora at work. i swear i’ll work on my paper now. really!

okay, i’m sitting down to write my last paper of the semester. i have a venti caramel frappucino, half a pack of smokes, and half an idea. if you see me on here a lot today – as usually happens when i’m trying to write a paper – tell me to fuck off and get back to work. though this isn’t due til tomorrow night, i need to get it done today coz i have errands i have to run tomorrow. since fucking useless target won’t change watch batteries on watches that aren’t theirs and they don’t carry any real food in their freezer section. oh well. at least i got my coffee.

wish me luck!

Your Inner Muse is Melpomene

You are most like this muse of tragedy. While you aren’t depressed, you don’t shy away from sadness. Although you do tend to be gloomy, you have a sensitive side. And this sensitive side helps inspire and help others.

You’ll Find Love at School or Work

You’re ambitious, and you won’t let dating get in the way of your goals And that’s why you’ll find love at school or work… because you’re always there Shy about dating someone you work with? Don’t be. He’ll be perfect for you. Just make sure to go out and have some fun together every once and a while!

…

i am really sore. i thought maybe if i took a shower i’d feel better, but no. i hurt everywhere. my back, arms, legs, shoulders, ribs (?), and feet. it’s coz i didn’t take any breaks today except for lunch. usually, i spend some time checking email and stuff, but not today. i opened, then went right upstairs to do inventory. the stupid wifi wasn’t working too well, so i did very little in the three hours i spent there. then i went on lunch break. then, when i got back downstairs, i was told i had desk duty at 1:30 since everyone was going to a training thing. so til 1:30 i went back upstairs and did barcoding. then i put in a couple hours at the desk, which is usually a bit of a break, but not today. i was on my feet the whole time, and then i had to check the book drop. at most libraries, the book drop is attached to the building, but not at ours. it’s a nice little walk to have to take when dragging a cart full of books. then i spent the rest of the day barcoding. it’s not that i didn’t like what i was doing (except maybe the book drop) but i am so paying for it now.

this morning, though, when i first went upstairs, i felt so happy. i went to my section and looked out the window. the sun was hardly up, and half the sky was still a little dark. and all around, there were the brick buildings and in the distance, i could see off-campus buildings and the water tower. and, behind me, shelves and shelves of books. i was all alone with this, and i felt what i can only describe as complete joy. i just inhaled deeply and looked and quivered inside with that feeling you get when you see something beautiful or when you’re in love. the stillness of the building and the campus that wasn’t quite awake yet felt special somehow. it felt like it couldn’t possibly be real. this was the moment i had dreamed of, and it was really happening.

so, yeah, i’m sore, but i don’t think i’ve ever been so fulfilled.

okay, now i have some totally excellent news for me: i got 100% in my music information retrieval class! that was the class with two papers to turn in last monday. i don’t know how he read all of those in one week (in fact, i kind of think he didn’t) but whatever. a+!

by the way, i totally have to brag on sohei. (especially since i’m pretty sure my grades are in the toilet.) he went from #5 in his class to #3. out of 200 people! how cool is that?

here’s gish, as a simpson. with boy hair. (i like having very short hair in the summer, okay?)

it’s been a pretty good week. it really flew by. i don’t know if i’ve ever enjoyed a job this much. despite getting up early and being on my feet most of the day, i’m not so tired when i get home. in fact, most nights i have trouble getting to sleep before 12:00. there isn’t much to say about what i actually do, since it’s mostly the same every day. though, yesterday, i was offered a project to spearhead. i’m leading the gov docs project with another coworker. it sounds kind of boring, but it’ll look great on a resume, and it’s real responsibility. we’ll have student ops people working for us. apparently, you have to actually keep an eye on some of them, because they don’t really want to, you know, work. hopefully we’ll get some competent people assigned to our team.

the only bad thing that’s come about so far is something that always seems to happen in libraries. well, everywhere, really. a couple people don’t seem to care for me too much, and try to get me to do the stuff no one else feels like doing. most of the time – thanks mostly to past experience – i find ways around it by finding something else to do before anyone can boss me. the being busy constantly thing has an added bonus of making me look good and making my detractors look petty and lazy. i think it’s pretty sad that i’m getting so good at this crap. still, it feels better than getting the shit end of the stick all the time.

for reasons i don’t understand, i can’t restore the right column on this layout. i accidentally deleted it while trying to fix something, and have clicked on it to restore it about a million times, and nothing. so i tried to create a new file with the same name and just delete the old one, but it’s not letting me do that, either. this sucks. i’m at work, so i can’t really look into it right now, but wordpress has been acting really funky lately, and this is about the last straw as far as i’m concerned. either that or there’s something wrong with my control panel. i’ll look at it again after work and see if my host can’t fix it.

well, i got my papers turned in and my homework assignment (that was due yesterday) turned in as well. I have one more paper to write by this sunday, but i’m trying not to worry too much about it. besides, my main concern right now is that my car is up the street at the mechanic, and i won’t have it back in time to drive to work tomorrow. i’m supposed to be getting a ride from a coworker, so i hope everything works out. and that superbuick doesn’t have anything too wrong with her. she wouldn’t start this morning, but started fine the rest of the day, so i don’t think that had anything to do with the problem. i wish sohei were here. i’m sick of dealing with everything on my own. also, *67 doesn’t work too well as i’ve *67ed the mortgage people (who call at least twice a day, including 8 freaking a.m. on a saturday) twice, and i finally answered the phone and told them we weren’t paying. which is what sohei freaking told them a week ago. arg.

okay, i have superbuick back and she seems to be fine now. apparently the front tires separated, which means they were flat, but not visibly. i was very lucky, because apparently they separated when i hit something “like a pothole.” actually, i think it happened when i flew over a railroad track while on the way to the interstate. on the way to tampa. so, somehow, i got to tampa and back on separated tires. i don’t know how the hell i managed to do that, and then get to work and back today, but i did. she is the best car ever. i could’ve easily got stuck somewhere, likely in the rain, as it rained much of the way home yesterday. somehow, she got me home safely. i love you, superbuick.

so, yet another tragedy averted, and i didn’t need any help at all.

i. am. home. i think something’s wrong with superbuick, though. she was shuddering during the entirety of the last leg of the trip. she usually only shudders when i take her over 70 mph, but then she evens out once i stop accelerating. she didn’t like any speed during the last half hour, and she wasn’t thrilled about stopping at lights, either. i’m hoping she was just tired.

anyway, so here’s a recap of my weekend (it’ll have to be quick. i’m exhausted and i still have school work to do.):

on thursday, i set off for tampa/brandon after work. i only got about four hours’ sleep the night before, and did a bunch of lifting and stuff all day, so i was tired. i had to stop at home and finish packing and take care of neko, but then i hit the road. i’d wanted to skip lunch and leave an hour early, but we’re not allowed to do that for some reason, so i didn’t get starting til around 5:00. i was trying a new way to get on the interstate, since it was rush hour, and went like i was going to go on the highway. (i wish i had. i hate the interstate.) i didn’t have any trouble finding the on ramp and everything was okay til i hit new port richey and the traffic got heavy. and it was dark by then. i hate driving in the dark, coz i can’t see anything. anyway, so i made it to sohei’s dad’s house without getting lost, and i was so glad to be there. we got some mcdonalds and i printed out my presentation for the next day, and we went to bed.

friday was awesome. well, kind of. my group did a decent job on the presentation, considering one of our members didn’t even show up. class went by surprisingly fast, and we even got out about an hour early. sohei picked me up and we went to mel’s for a late lunch/early dinner. i haven’t been to mel’s in ages. i got a cheddar cheese dog and split onion rings with sohei. then we went to boba, coz i’ve had a hankering for boba/bubble/milk tea. i got a chocolate tea and we hung out for a while, then went over to sound exchange. we didn’t get anything, but malibu was nearby (we refuse to call it by the new name) so we thought we’d check out the arcade. sohei and his friends used to go there all the time, and he insists we went there before, but i don’t remember. anyway, none of the token machines were working, so we left. but on the way out i told this girl i liked her bag – it was a pink bunny – and she said she got it at the anime convention. and then told me all about the convention. sohei teased me after we got to the car, and said teenagers seem to think i’m a teenager, too.

then, after it got dark, we went to the mini golf place down the street from his dad’s subdivision. we’d wanted to play at malibu, but it was too damn hot. sohei beat me (he beats me at everything) but it was a lot of fun. the mosquitoes hardly got me at all. i wanted to try out the driving range, but we decided to go see a movie instead. when we got to the theater it was insanely crowded and there were a bunch of kids around, so we decided against it. as we were leaving, this group of kids was standing around while a cop was harassing their friend. one of them said they liked my lip ring, and i said they should get one, coz it doesn’t hurt or anything. and then this girl and i were talking about it for a bit, before i moved on. sohei reminded me about earlier, and i thought it was pretty funny. we said maybe i should be a narc or something. and i said we should’ve walked up to the kid being bothered and hand him sohei’s “what to do if you’re stopped by the police” aclu card. we didn’t though. we went to denny’s, which was a mistake. it wasn’t very good, the service was terrible, and i ended up getting sick. but, aside from that, it was a very good day.

on saturday, i worked on my stupid paper all day. then we went to jesse’s steakhouse for dinner and it was pretty good. i had nachos. then we got ice cream and went home and watched movies.

then there’s today. we went to ruth’s steakhouse for brunch. (i think it’s required for restaurants in brandon/riverview to pair “steakhouse” with a woman’s name.) i had country fried steak and it was goooood. then we went to sound exchange in brandon and sohei got a tear garden cd he doesn’t much care for – but i do! so i put it on my mp3 player before i left. i was pretty depressed about leaving. i love being in tampa. and sohei and i had a really good time, except for school stuff. the drive home was okay, except for the end. i got lost when i got off the exit (again) but finally found my way back to 19, then to 27, then home.

anyway, i’m going to go order a pizza and get back to work. i’m not cooking tonight, and poor superbuick needs a rest.

i had a great day and i can’t even talk about it because i’m still behind on these fucking papers. i’m going to be up late, work a full day, then try to make a five hour trip right after. only to wake up the next day and spend a whole day in class, as well as that stupid presentation. this sucks. i am so exhausted, and i don’t even think i’ll be able to finish the assignment this time. i can’t wait til i’m done with school. i’m sick of it.

Neko chewed thru the ribbon anchoring the balloon

Repress and restrain
Steal the pressure and the pain
Wash the blood off your hands
This time she won’t understand

Change in the air
And they’ll hide everywhere
And no one knows who’s in control

You’re working so hard
And you’re never in charge
Your death creates success
Rebuild and suppress

Change in the air
And they’ll hide everywhere
And no one knows who’s in control

Change in the air
And they’ll hide everywhere
And no one knows who’s in control

muse – ruled by secrecy

i didn’t include the argyle socks, since they’re in the dryer.

my photo blogging is only working about half the time now… arg.

i’m finally finished with that stupid project. kind of. now all i have to do is write notes for the presentation, drive to tampa, and do the stupid presentation. sigh.

and now i have to write those two papers by next monday (which should be fun, what with having to work, fill out a bunch of paperwork, drive to tampa, and go class). i don’t even want to think about the paper i have due for the other class, so i won’t. for now. why is it that we do pretty much fuck-all for the first 3/4 of the semester, then have a shitload of stuff to do right up at the very end? it’s like that in every damn class. sure, we could work on our term papers all semester, but since it’s usually based on stuff we have to learn about in class, that doesn’t seem feasible.

the dryer is calling. better go finish that laundry.

i was sick of looking at the group project, so i did a little shopping therapy this morning. i was trying to find shoes and had no luck. i went to two outlet stores and a payless. want to know why kind of shoes they stocked in the women’s section? heels and “strappy sandals.” want to know what kind of shoes i can’t wear to work? heels and “strappy sandals.” i found these adorable shoes that would’ve worked, but they weren’t available in my size. the “sneakers” were terrible. apparently, the new look – or, as i was at outlet stores, last season’s look – is shredded canvas. oh yeah, that’s sexay. given a choice between battered and sequined, i chose neither, and bought a new purse and a few pairs of socks. (i have no socks coz i always wear sandals, so i’ve been borrowing some of sohei’s socks. unfortunately, most of the ones he left behind are all holey.) i scored some cute baby phat anklets for $5, and the purse is cool (i’ll take a pic later) so it wasn’t a total loss. unfortunately, the lingerie was horrible, so i skipped it. then i went to walgreens and got some stuff there, including a much-needed new mesh scrubby thing.

anyway, the stupid project has been turned in. the person whose section was the worst is in peru (of course) and has been completely unavailable for the past two weeks. i hope she had a good time, coz the grade on this paper is going to be crap. why do i always get stuck with the worst groups? whatever. i’d better get back to work. and do some more laundry.

i talked to sohei and he seems to think, from reading my blog, that i hate my job. and in case that’s the impression everyone’s getting: not true! i do miss my old coworkers, but i am a lot happier at the library. the only thing i’ve found monotonous is the gov doc sorting. and even that is better than dealing with morons on the phone. that’ll be done soon, anyway, i bet. it’s just a side project. as for my blisters, torn cuticles, and bruises, i’m proud of them. i’m working hard, and i enjoy it. i know sohei will never believe that, but i’m not as lazy as he thinks. i’m never bored, and i like what i do. and i don’t just love the library i’m at, i like the other ones, too. the science library is amazing. and being on campus is just awesome. it’s beautiful and i really feel like i belong there. i’m finally getting the college experience i always wanted, even if i’m not a student. a lot of the people i work with are great, and my boss seems really sweet.

being on campus also means more time with sohei. we can carpool and have lunch together and stuff. when he gets back from tampa. i think it’ll only be three weeks now. anyway, i also like my hours. i didn’t think i was exactly a morning person, but maybe i am. i’m tired, but it’s so worth it to leave at 4:00. my evenings have seemed pretty long, even if i only get home about an hour earlier than i used to.

anyway, i’m sleepy, so i’m going to bed now. but i am happy at work! really!

i never post more than when i’m supposed to be working on papers… while i was eating dinner (yes, pizza. and yes, sick.) i had a thought. now that my ultimate goal and dream has come true, i’m going to have to find another. it’s not that i’m complaining or that i can’t just be happy. i am still thrilled about my job. but if i don’t have something to strive for, i think i get kind of mopey. well, not mopey, because i’m not unhappy. maybe unmotivated. i don’t know. i do have long-term goals. i want to live in the tampa area and work at a university, of course. and i want a baby. really badly. but i can’t even try for those things for a couple of years. (and i’m trying not to get too worked up over the whole baby thing, because the more i read about how useless my birth control is supposed to be, the more certain i am that i’m infertile.)

anyway, i need something a little more immediate. i want to get my masters, of course. if all goes well, i’ll have it by this time next year. i don’t know… i want a fun goal. like maybe to travel somewhere. or be good at a hobby. i don’t think i’ve had a real hobby since i quit gaming. (not by choice.) if i weren’t already struggling with school, i could take a class or two for free next semester, but i can hardly keep up with what i’ve got. still, i have some plans for a japanese class and maybe a painting one as well, assuming i can keep my dream job another year with that lovely free tuition.

i guess, for now, i’ll just keep plugging away at my stupid, boring classes. well, the cataloging one is stupid and boring. the other is just a lot of busywork. i know it’s kind of ridiculous to fuss about it. i know i’ve got a good life. (aside from that wonderful stomach problem that seems to get worse with time.) i feel like one of the luckiest people in the world right now. i have just about everything one could want, if one were an antisocial, weird nerd. is it stupid to need something to work for, even if you don’t need to? this is one of those times i wish i could talk to mum. i don’t want more stuff. the extensive pay cut i just accepted should be proof enough of that. i want to be awesome at something or see things i’ve never seen or learn something new. this is why i know being rich would be pointless. i’d still be restless.

although, the other day, i began to hatch a scheme regarding what i’d do if i were rich someday. i’d just given my week’s lunch money – which i don’t use anyway thanks to my stupid guts – to a homeless guy at the gas station. when i got home, it struck me that there’d been a mcdonald’s right next door and maybe we could’ve got dinner as well. he was probably a vet, and it was the 4th of july. the injustice of homelessness really bothers me. i think, if i had tons of money, i’d open shelters all over the place. but not like the ones we have now. they’d be like real houses, or apartments. and if they wanted help with anything, like substance abuse, it would be like rehab. like all those rich dorks go to. and if they were sick or had mental problems, then they’d have someone looking after them and spending time with them. but i wouldn’t want it to be like the old days, like when people were institutionalized, like a prison. that part would be hard. but all the employees would have to be loving and kind and treat the residents (?) like human beings. i’d want them all to know they’re loved. and i wouldn’t force religion on anyone. and the healthy folks could get set up with jobs or maybe even an education if they wanted. no one should have to be homeless. no one should have to feel like no one cares about them.

oh well. anyway, i guess i’d better get back to work. if i flunk out of school, i think sohei will have me out on my tail.

i’m already doomed, so it’s quiz time.

Your Toes Should Be Black

A total rulebreaker (and heartbreaker), you’re always a little punk rock. Your flirting style: Wacky and a bit shocking Your ideal guy: An accomplished artist, musician, or writer Stay away from: Preppy guys looking for a quick bad girl fling

(that last one actually happened to me. not the fling, but the attempt. dork.)

You Are 31% Fake

The real you is something you embrace and don’t mind enhancing. You know that a few beauty secrets aren’t a big deal, as long as you look good.

What Your Latte Says About You

You are very decadent in all aspects of your life. You never scale back, and you always live large. You can be quite silly at times, but you know when to buckle down and be serious. You have a good deal of energy, but you pace yourself. You never burn out too fast. You have a healthy relationship with caffeine. You’re definitely not dependent on it. You are a child at heart, and you don’t ever miss the opportunity to do something playful. You are sophisticated and daring, but you are never snobby.

You Are Low Rise Jeans

You are both sexy and casual – the type of girl who looks hot without really trying. You tend to spark imagination, only showing a peek of your skin.

You Will Be an Unconventional Bride!

You’re probably the type of girl who never considered getting married – until you met *him* You’re not a big fan of white dresses, church weddings, or cheesy DJ’s That’s okay – you’ll do it your way… whether that means a Vegas wedding or guys as bridesmen While you may not toss the bouquet (or have anyone to toss it to), it will still be the most romantic day of your life!

fine, i’ll get back to work…

i know i’m supposed to be doing homework and everyone’s sick of listening to me whine, but dammit, i can’t help it. i’m tired and my muscles hurt and i’m covered in boo boos. not just blisters, but scrapes and bruises as well. and thanks to book dust and neko’s fur all over the bed, my allergies are acting up. and i’m premenstrual. i just want to relax for a while. my eyes are getting blurry and my hands hurt. (so why not type some more, gish? shut up.)

since the kitchen is a mess and i don’t think there’s a clean dish in the house, i may just order a pizza tonight. then maybe i can take a break while i’m getting sick.

why doesn’t time go as slowly as it does at work? i’m never going to get these damn papers done. when the hell is august going to get here?

i. fucking. hate. cataloging.

hate it!

omg i’m tired. i got up around 9:00 this morning and have been working on that group paper all day. i haven’t even had a chance to eat yet. i was supposed to edit the whole thing and make it flow, but there were some things that were so messed up, i didn’t want to touch them. i just put a bunch of notes in and highlighted them. hopefully, everyone will get their stuff fixed by tomorrow, since it’s due at 6:00. whatever. i’m too worn out to care right now. each group got seven people except ours – of course – because three people dropped the class. and they were all in my group. and we have to do a 50 minute presentation on friday. in tampa. this week is going to be a bitch.

i want to work on my story, but i won’t be able to for at least two weeks. gah. i have two huge papers due the 16th and one on the 22nd. and a homework assignment due tomorrow?? give me a freaking break. at least i can stay up a little later on sunday night to work on this shit, coz i don’t have to be on campus til 8ish on monday, thanks to the all-day orientation thing i have to go to. sob. see y’all in august…

here’s why: * fuck (3x) * fucking (2x) * death (1x)

good thing they can’t scan the archives…

it’s obvious that i’m going to have to buy new shoes. i was at the circ desk all day, which was actually fun, but ow. i’m going to take a shower and have a good scrub after my family and it’s gonna sting. and then i’m going to finish my stupid paper and try to edit the whole project tonight so i can go look for shoes tomorrow. that aren’t one stars. i’ll prolly just buy a really cheap pair in case i find the ones i want eventually. i bet i could find some in tampa next weekend, but i’m also betting that sohei won’t want to look. why the hell can’t grunge come back? stupid fashion.

what a day… i’ll repost a friendlier version about my job when i can think. (it wasn’t that bad, but i have to be careful, just in case.)

the entire inventory unit was absent except for one guy who left halfway through the day. so i ended up in the subbasement for around three hours, pulling stuff off the shelf and arranging it on a cart. and sohei hates me for some reason, and i’m exhausted.

i’ve just learned that the paper is due this sunday, not on the 13th, as i’d originally thought. i’m now in complete doom and terror mode. shit. shitshitshit. and, since it’s a group project, i have to take everyone else’s stuff and cobble it together and edit it. i have a feeling i’ll be working on that all day saturday, as i only have one other member’s part. i can’t really blame anyone, though, as i’m only just writing the damn thing today. also, i was kind of put on the spot yesterday and had to sign up to bring something for a going away party for someone i don’t know. of course, i’d done my grocery shopping on monday, so i’m going to have to run down to the gas station at some point today to pick up an overpriced bag of doritos. i did not want to go out at all today, but whatever. arg.

okay, okay. bush didn’t pardon libby, he “only” commuted his sentence. which is actually worse, because now libby is allowed to plead the 5th during any future questioning. sohei understands it better than i do, but it still sucks.

also, i’m trying to avoid all the chris benoit stuff, but no one will shut up about it. i haven’t felt this sort of conflicted grief since my ex killed himself a couple years ago. and i liked benoit a hell of a lot better than my ex as well. at least i wasn’t faced with my ex’s picture every time i tried to watch the damn news. yes, my favorite wrestler and hero is a terrible monster. i feel a lot of guilt over being sad regarding his death. now fuck off.

sigh.

in other news, work is going well. the commute is shorter, and the parking is terrible after 8 am, but i get there at 7, so it’s no problem. in fact, the parking lot is much closer than the one at my old job. the job itself is awesome. there’s way more physical labor compared to the old job (that’s not saying much) and i’m tired every evening when i get home, but it’s a lot more satisfying. and i get tomorrow off, so i’ll finally be writing that damn paper/presentation that’s due on the 13th.

i keep meaning to write more about my job, but when i finally get around to it, i’m too tired. but it’s very good. most things are good.

i was going to talk about how well my job is going, but i just read that bush pardoned libby, and now i’m not really in the mood. this should be the straw that breaks the camel’s back, but i know it won’t be, and that’s just depressing. he’s ignored the law and the ideas that our country was founded on, and nothing will happen. he’s just proven, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he can do whatever the fuck he wants and no one’s going to do a damn thing. how is it that clinton could get impeached after lying about a blow job, and bush has committed war crimes, lied on multiple occasions, and runs an administration that perpetrates criminal acts on a daily basis and he doesn’t have to answer for any of it. i know i’ve been very doom and gloom about this before, but the following days are going to determine whether i give up on this country entirely. i always had some hope that maybe one day it would get bad enough for the democrats and the citizens of the u.s. to rise up and do what’s right. but now i’m not sure that’s ever going to happen. i used to think that maybe this administration was so good at spin that everyone was fooled that everything was okay. but anyone who thinks things are okay now is either an idiot or in complete denial. i mean, for fuck’s sake, presidents have pardoned friends before, but they at least wait til their term is over. this is just fucking hopeless at this point. i’m ashamed of this country, its government, and the majority of its citizens. sure, at least i have the freedom to say that, but not where anyone will hear it. and who knows when that right will be stripped as well.