man, i’m getting sick of the immigration “debate.” thinly-veiled racism, more like. here’s my take on it, in case you care:

immigrants, legal or not, are here to do the jobs that soft, spoilt, lazy americans don’t want to do. you’d do these jobs if they paid well enough? how well would these jobs have to pay? besides, if that’s your problem with this situation, get pissed at the people that hire the immigrants, not the immigrants themselves. it’s not their fault that corporations are so greedy that they’re willing to sell out other americans for immigrant slave labor. of course, this is nothing new. companies in the early 1900s were advertising jobs and american streets paved with gold, in eastern europe. hell, in the 1800s, they were doing it to the chinese. and, like the immigrants of today, these people were sick and starving and down-trodden. they were also hated and abused or ignored. today’s immigrants are daring to stand up for their rights as human beings. afraid they’re going to take “our” country from us? well, at least they’re willing to do what it takes to force change. (for instance, mass protests, and refusing to buy anything on may 1. the irony does not escape me that their solution is to not buy things, whereas the u.s. answer to everything is to shop til you drop.) if u.s. citizens were willing to sacrifice half as much as these people, we’d be a lot better off than we are now. sure, we took texas, arizona, california, colorado, new mexico, nevada, and utah from the mexicans, but when it comes to “winning” i guess we’ll just see who wants it more. coz right now, it sure looks like the immigrants do.

viva la revolución!

[edit:] in case i haven’t made it clear, i don’t think the immigrants actually want to take over the country. they just want to be treated equally, with rights that all humans deserve. they’re reminding us how much we rely on them, and that they’re not animals put here to clean up after us and build our mcmansions. besides, the united states haven’t always been such, and a day will come when they are united no longer. i don’t know who’s going to deliver it, but we’re cruisin’ for a bruisin’.

i’m a sad sod today…

i think it has something to do with another night that went back and forth between sleepless and nightmare. the worst nightmare being the following:

it seemed very real, to begin with. it was the middle of the night, and i got up to look out the sliding glass doors in our bedroom, stopping to pet sleeping brumby on the way. i pull one of the blinds aside and look down at my car, in the driveway. the trunk is open, and then someone lowers it a bit, and it turns out to be mum. i start screaming, and she looks up at me, and seems kind of sad, and then i wake up, sweating like crazy.

pain woke me up again last night around 3:00, and i took my next-to-last painkiller and tried to go back to sleep. but then i couldn’t because i kept thinking about all the stuff i’m supposed to do today. like rsvp for a baby shower, and call our mortgage guy to see if he’ll help us again, and dealing with the new realtor, etc. don’t forget, i hate calling people. and i hate having all this responsibility, regarding the house. i pretty much dealt with the whole mess single-handedly when we bought this house. and now i have to sell it and find a new one, and sohei expects me to time these things perfectly somehow, so we go right from one to the other. and i’m wondering if we’ll even be able to get a loan, seeing as he’ll be a student, and i’ll be unemployed at first.

so i’ve spent the morning looking at some of the properties the realtor sent, and crying off and on. i’m so tired. i feel guilty that i screamed in terror upon seeing my mum, instead of running outside and hugging her or something. (i take this to mean, however, that i’m fully conscious of the fact that she’s dead, instead of having those dreams where i think she’s alive, and then remember she’s not, and get really depressed. i think screaming upon seeing someone standing outside your house, who is supposed to be dead, is not an unusual response.) i’m also stressed and bummed about the listings i got. i have no idea what we can afford, but the ones that seem more reasonable are tiny and/or ugly. we’ll be listing our current house at $170,000 since that’s what the other houses like ours are selling for, but i didn’t want to spend more than $110,000 which is what we paid for this house. i reckon we can afford more, but i want to have some money available in case of emergency and whatnot. since, you know, we’re going to be broke college kids again. at first, i was just going to get an apartment, but since a lot of them seem to be populated by drunk, noisy undergrads, i thought maybe we should just get a house after all. especially since we’ll be heavily taxed on our house profit if we don’t put it into another house.

and my sister is leaving for mexico this weekend. by herself. to live with strangers in a place where two cops were just beheaded. and she won’t be back for a month or so, i guess.

i want to fast-forward to august. i want my sister back, safe and sound. i want to have sold the house and bought a new one that i actually like.

but the next few months are going to be long and hellish, i reckon. i’m moving to a town i don’t know anything about, where i don’t know anyone. i don’t know which neighborhoods are scary or noisy. i don’t know where i’m going to work. i’ve been really nonchalant about this, but i’m beginning to panic. as usual, i’m supporting sohei, but no one’s supporting me.

i’m feeling really alone again.

i just thought i’d point out how nice sohei has been about taking care of me for the past week. he’s been getting progressively happier lately. it started with getting a dog, who is really his best friend. then i got a job and my license. then he decided where to go to school, and he’s so excited about it, he wants to leave now. so, thanks to a major mood improvement, he’s been doing a lot for me while i’ve been laid up. he fetches treats for me, like lattes and ice cream and stuff. he’s been to taco bell twice, which he hates, but the soft tortillas are easier for me to eat than bread. he’s been taking me to my appointments, and has generally been nice to be around lately.

just thought i’d say so.

well, my site is officially paid off for yet another year. happy 3rd anniversary, carvedangel.

(if i’d been thinking – and not insanely busy and delirious – i’d have made a new layout in honor of the event. oops. >_<)

earlier today, i noticed there was an unfamiliar car parked in our driveway. there was no one in it, and there was no one outside. i didn’t figure it belonged to a neighbor since ours just moved out. and it annoyed the fuck out of me that someone just parked there, in my driveway, without asking, and then just left. also, i had been thinking about going to get a coffee, and my car was blocked in, in the garage. so i called the association and no one answered. (good to know that those outrageous fees i pay every month are being put to good use.) so i called the off-site company and complained. they finally managed to reach someone on-site and maintenance came out and called a tow truck. everyone was bewildered as to why someone would just park there.

i looked outside a little bit ago, and there was someone in the driveway next door on her cellphone. now there’s a lot of somebodys milling around and a few of them are in my yard/driveway. and there was just a knock at my door, which i’m ignoring. i assume these must be the new neighbors. wonderful. frankly, i’m not a bit sorry i had their car towed. for one thing, how was i to know someone had moved in already? secondly, they have a perfectly good driveway of their own right in front of their fucking house, which was empty when the car was towed. if they had wanted to use my driveway instead of theirs, for whatever reason, i probably would have allowed it if they’d bothered to ask. now the rude assholes can just deal with it. the driveway setup around here isn’t all that complex, either. each house has a garage on the bottom floor, and a driveway leading up to it. it is pretty clear which driveway belongs to which house, as each one leads right up to its respective house. i can’t for the life of me understand why they parked in my driveway instead of their own.

i can tell you right now that these idiots had better learn that this is not a communal property, and that they have no right to park, assemble, or otherwise block our driveway. this might be a townhome complex, but each of us owns our little piece of property, which includes the driveways and, to some extent, the street right outside the driveway. we are not allowed to park in the street, as it blocks access, so we’re sure as hell not allowed to just park in someone else’s driveway. we own our driveway and front yard, and these dumb fucks had better stay off of it entirely. i never had a problem with our old neighbors coming into our yard or anything, because they were polite about it.

i can already tell that we’re going to have a lot of trouble with these stupid assholes, and i’m really looking forward to moving now.

the past few days have sucked pretty hard. i’m still in a lot of pain, thanks to one of my wounds getting infected. over the weekend, i was in so much pain i wanted to cry. i felt like i was going to throw up. i haven’t been sleeping well, and on sunday night i didn’t sleep at all. so first thing monday morning i called the dentist and went in right away. the lower right extraction site was looking pretty ugly so he irrigated it and sent me home with new prescriptions for painkillers and antibiotics. because the antibiotics i was still taking weren’t working. it’s funny how about half the antibiotics i take don’t work. i’m probably going to die of a simple infection one of these days… so i’m only supposed to be taking four of the new painkillers per day, but it’s been more like six. i typically follow prescription directions to the letter, but i’m already in agony half the time as it is. i reckon if this is how badly they’re working, they’re not hardcore enough to seriously injure me. and, besides the pain, my mouth feels all funky from rinsing with salt water all the damn time, and i still have bruises on my cheeks/jawline. this fucking sucks, and if it doesn’t get better soon, i’m going to flip the fuck out. the stitches have pretty much all dissolved, too, so i’m assuming the remaining pain is due to lingering infection. at first i thought it was dry socket, but the dentist didn’t think so. i’m going back on thursday for a checkup, so we’ll see what the hell is going on in there.

anyway, i’ve also been staying home from work, which is kind of good, because i’ve had a lot of stuff due in school. i had a big paper with presentation due on monday. i spent days on it, instead of an afternoon, because i couldn’t concentrate. besides the subject being shite, i was in so much pain that i just wanted to sleep. on monday evening, still working on the fucking thing, i finally just lost it. i hadn’t slept at all the night before, the painkillers weren’t working (as usual), and i knew the paper was terrible, but it was due in a few hours and i couldn’t start over. so i just closed it and turned it in, as-is. so much for my straight-a record, but if i manage a ‘c’ in that class thanks to that idiot paper, i’ll be happy just to pass. i’m not even going to talk about the presentation aspect. then today i had this weird final project that would have been fun if i wasn’t constantly wishing i was dead. so my finals are kind of half-over now. i have to do some kind of participation thing for three classes, a paper, and a final exam. i will be so, so glad when next friday is over. it will be the end of the semester, and hopefully i’ll be back to feeling halfway normal by then.

anyway, i have to pop more pills and lie down before i lose it and put myself out of my misery.

and despair!

jaw hurts sooo bad. sooo hot. sooo swollen. but sooo sick of not eating solid food…

stolen from dawna. (apparently having 40 or more makes you spoilt.)

Do you:
(1) your own cell phone
(2) a television in your bedroom
(3) an MP3 player
( ) a photo printer
(4) your own phone line
(5) TiVo or a generic digital video recorder
(6) high-speed internet access
( ) a surround sound system in bedroom
( ) DVD player in bedroom
( ) at least a hundred DVDs
(7) a childfree bathroom (seeing as we have no kids…)
(8) your own in-house office (kind of)
(9) a pool (there’s one in our complex…)
( ) a guest house
( ) a game room
( ) a queen-size bed or larger
( ) a stocked bar
(10) a working dishwasher
(11) an icemaker
(12) a working washer and dryer
( ) more than 20 pairs of shoes
( ) at least ten things from a designer store
( ) expensive sunglasses
( ) framed original art (not lithographs or prints)
( ) Egyptian cotton sheets or towels
( ) a multi-speed bike
( ) a gym membership
( ) large exercise equipment at home
( ) your own set of golf clubs
( ) a pool table
( ) a tennis court
(13) local access to a lake, large pond, or the sea (kind of)
( ) your own pair of skis
( ) enough camping gear for a weekend trip in an isolated area
( ) a boat
( ) a jet ski
(14) a neighborhood committee membership (well there’s the condo association…)
( ) a beach house or a vacation house/cabin
(15) wealthy family members (not that i see a red cent)
(16) two or more family cars
( ) a walk-in closet or pantry
( ) a yard
( ) a hammock
( ) a personal trainer
(17) good credit (sorry, but good credit doesn’t make you spoiled – it makes you responsible. i’ve deprived myself of plenty for it, thankyouverymuch.)
( ) expensive jewelry
( ) a designer bag that required being on a waiting list to get
( ) at least $100 cash in your possession right now
( ) more than two credit cards bearing your name (not counting gas cards or debit cards)
( ) a stock portfolio
( ) a passport
( ) a horse
( ) a trust fund (either for you or created by you)
(18) private medical insurance (like the stuff they give you at work, i assume)
(19) a college degree, and no outstanding student loans (Degree part in process)

Do you:
( ) shop for non-needed items for yourself (like clothes, jewelry, electronics) at least once a week
( ) do your regular grocery shopping at high-end or specialty stores
( ) pay someone else to clean your house, do dishes, or launder your clothes (not counting dry-cleaning)
( ) go on weekend mini-vacations
( ) send dinners back with every flaw
(20) wear perfume or cologne [not body spray]
( ) regularly get your hair styled or nails done in a salon
( ) have a job but don’t need the money OR
( ) stay at home with little financial sacrifice
( ) pay someone else to cook your meals
( ) pay someone else to watch your children or walk your dogs
( ) regularly pay someone else to drive you taxis
( ) expect a gift after you fight with your partner

Are you:
( ) an only child
( ) married/partnered to a wealthy person
( ) baffled/surprised when you don’t get your way

Have you:
( ) been on a cruise
( ) traveled out of the country
(21) met a celebrity (i guess if hulk hogan counts as a celebrity)
( ) been to the Caribbean
( ) been to Europe
( ) been to Hawaii
( ) been to New York.
( ) eaten at the space needle in Seattle
( ) been to the Mall of America
( ) been on the Eiffel tower in Paris
( ) been on the Statue of Liberty in New York
( ) moved more than three times because you wanted to
( ) dined with local political figures
( ) been to both the Atlantic coast and the Pacific coast

Did you:
( ) go to another country for your honeymoon
( ) hire a professional photographer for your wedding or party
( ) take riding or swimming lessons as a child
( ) attend private school
(22) have a Sweet 16 birthday party thrown for you. (at a park by sohei )

i got my teeth out safely and without (much) incident. about the only thing that went awry is that i seemed to have woken up in the middle of the procedure. all i can remember about it was this really odd feeling in my mouth that verged on pain, but mostly felt like a lot of movement. my animal brain panicked a little, then nothing. sohei was told afterward that they’d had to give me more anasthetic than first planned, presumably because i woke up a little. and now my jaws hurt a bit and the stitches poke my tongue. but i’m alive and non-vegetable and still have feeling and a sense of taste.

in other news, apparently my work wasn’t done screwing me over. despite offering me the option of working 4-7 which would have been slightly more beneficial to my family, they decided (without even talking to me once) that i’ll be working from 5-8 instead. i think they’re trying to get me to quit at this point so they don’t have to pay the unemployment i’d be due if they fired me or laid me off. i’m taking it because we’re trying to save up for my impending move, and my resume will look pretty bad otherwise. i guess good work and loyalty is repaid by 50% pay-cuts and being treated dishonestly with no regard whatsoever. i fucking hate working. there is no such thing as a good job, and the idea of spending the rest of my life putting up with this shit makes me want to crawl into a hole and die.

i’m really, really stressed.

yesterday, i got the news that my job’s been made redundant. the woman they’re hiring to take over for my supervisor, is, in fact, taking over for everyone. the morning guy is leaving anyway, but the two evening girls are s.o.l. the big boss called me into his office to discuss the possibility of my working from 4-7 or 5-8 monday through thursday. in other words, my hours have been cut in half. of course, right in the middle of telling me this, he gets a call and sits on the phone for ten minutes, leaving me to wonder what the hell is going on and whether i’ll still have a job or not when all is said and done. after he finished his call, he asked whether i’d be staying on, and i said i’d have to ask my husband. frankly, i wanted to just leave, go back to the library to get my bag, and tell my immediate boss/supervisor, whose leaving has caused this mess, thanks and go to hell for not bothering to give me any sort of warning about this. i did question him when i got back, and he insisted he’d had no idea about it. so i left early (it was at the end of the day, anyway, so it was only by about 10 minutes) and talked to sohei when i got home. he told me to just stick it out coz it’ll look good on my resume to stay at the same job longer than six months. so i was going to tell the big boss today that i’m staying, and ask a couple of questions, but he couldn’t be bothered to meet with me once in the four hours i was at work today. i left a post-it on his door and came in early and everything but i guess he had more important things to do than talk to me for two minutes.

usually, i’d make such a post private, but i really don’t give a fuck. i’ve put a lot into this job, i’m the only one that can actually do anything (how fucking hard is it to check books in and out for fuck’s sake??) but it doesn’t matter. this is the same place that insists on six weeks’ notice when you’re going to leave, but it’s okay for them to just drag you into an office, out of nowhere, and inform you that your hours are literally being cut in half, and your co-workers laid off entirely? after you – and the other assistants – were told specifically in an email that the supervisor leaving would have no impact on your employment? well i knew from the minute he handed in his resignation that it would fuck everything up. i told sohei that new boss = mass layoffs, which he already knows from experience. i guess i’m lucky to have a job at all, but i’m wondering if it’s even worth the damn gas money. i’ll keep it, because my resume already looks like shit thanks to the fact i can only ever manage to keep a job 3-4 months. but i feel like i’ve been completely screwed over and lied to, and i feel awful for the evening girls.

on top of all of this, i still have to go to the dentist tomorrow to get my teeth pulled. sohei told me that the pill i’m taking before i go in will make me so woozy that i won’t even remember being at the dentist. this did not make me feel better. there’s a reason i’ve never done anything stronger than pot (except the one time): i like to remember being places and doing things. i do not like not being in control. i don’t like having entire gaps of time where i have no idea what’s happened. it’s bad enough that i’ll be iv sedated during the procedure, but to not remember the trip there or anything? no, i do not like it, sir. i also don’t like that i’ll already look like a moron, thanks to not being allowed to wear makeup, besides bumbling around like a sleepy, stoned idiot. wonderful. i guess i should be thankful that i won’t remember any of it, but i’m really not. and i don’t even want to think about the pain i’ll be in when it’s all over, assuming everything even goes right. with the way things have been going recently, i’m not counting on anything.

and i’m not even going to say much about school. except that i picked a really, really bad time for my surgery. what with having a bunch of huge projects and finals going on for the next couple of weeks, including a major project due on monday and another one that’s only available between tomorrow and monday/tuesday. it’s not like i’m procrastinating for the monday project, for once. i just can’t think of a decent topic related to medical informatics that i could write 15 pages on. with slide show. or whatever. if i could just think of a damn topic, i could probably have it done in an afternoon or so. well shit.

and i won’t talk about getting ready to move at all.

i need a fucking vacation. now.

i just had a lovely evening with sohei. we went to a new restaurant, chipotle, and i had chicken soft tacos. (sohei had a chicken fajita burrito, i think.) it was soooo good. and then we went and split a candyland ice cream at cold stone. and listened to the poor employees sing for their tips… and then we looked at video games and then went home. but it was really nice. we ate outside both times, and the weather was wonderful, if not a little windy. at one point, sohei said that life was good, and i’m glad, because it’s about time he’s happy about something. i think he’s looking forward to law school a lot, and he’s been a lot happier in general since we got the dog and i got a job and started driving and stuff. (brumby is really like a best friend to him – it’s very cute.)

i have a lot of work to do, in the next couple of weeks, on top of the impending surgery, so i reckon maybe i’ll take the rest of the evening off and relax, now that i’ve finished my medical informatics assignment. i have a 15 page paper and powerpoint presentation due next monday which is giving me fits, since i can’t decide what the hell to write about. i mean, it would probably only take me an afternoon or two to finish if i could only think of a topic. stupid class.

i never did say much about the trip to tallahassee. since i spent most of it in the hotel room. but i did get to go with sohei to the uf thing in gainesville on friday, so i reckon i should talk a little bit about that.

what we both got from it, mostly, was that 1) law school is supposed to be really stressful, so parents and spouses need to be at the ready to keep the student from killing himself 2) however, uf is not at all competitive and you’ll be bestest friends with all your classmates (right.) 3) if you go to uf, you’re assured a high-paying job at a top florida law firm 4) you will be choosing uf as your law school, and if you don’t, you’re a crazy loser.

we were not impressed.

so we will be moving to tallahassee this summer, and sohei will begin law school at fsu in august. assuming that all the paperwork is okay and all that other stuff.

congratulations, bear.

all that being said, i have to admit it was kind of strange being in gainesville again. i haven’t been there since before mum died, in july of ‘04. we weren’t really in the area where my parents used to live, but we were on one of the main drags where we all used to shop. it was a little sad. and weird. unlike most places i’ve lived, it hasn’t really changed at all. all the stores and restaurants were the same. i don’t know about our old apartments or other haunts, as we didn’t drive around too much, other than to look for the law school. so i felt a little wistful when we left, because it felt like we weren’t ever coming back. who knows, we may be there in the future for some reason, but it seemed kind of final.

but we did want to live somewhere new, and though i don’t know much about tallahassee or how i feel about it, it is nice to finally know where we’re going. it seems kind of scary to be turning down the prestigious sure-thing in favor of a school with a stronger public works program and smaller average salary. but we’re not in this for money. sohei doesn’t want to work for a big law firm or be a corporate lawyer. if he did, uf would have been the logical choice. but for what sohei wants to do, fsu is best. i’m really excited and proud of him for following his dream.

if, for some reason, you want to read just about every blog entry i’ve ever made, go here. (hint: it begins in march of ‘03.)

coz lord knows i didn’t want to host it, myself.

i’ve been generalizing a lot lately. for anyone who knows me, or has been a faithful reader for however long, you know that’s not usually how things are done around here. generalization is bullshit.

but i’ve been feeling really frustrated and let down lately. sometimes people lead you to expect certain things, and when it doesn’t turn out the way you think it should, you can’t help but feel disappointed. and if you’re me, that means you get angry and lash out and despair of ever being able to feel that the majority of humanity isn’t fucked up beyond all reason.

so you play the new harvest moon all weekend and occasionally remind yourself that you’re more than “spouse” or whateverthefuck people want to label you on a daily basis. and, at least, if you do die while getting your teeth chiseled out of your head on thursday, you wouldn’t even realise it, as you’d be sleeping through the whole thing. and maybe that would be okay.

i know this seems to be becomming a radical feminist blog, but it’s here for me to get my thoughts out. and my thoughts have just been such lately. that being said…

progressive white men are hardly better than conservative white men. in some ways, they are worse, because at least the conservatives are honest about what intolerant pigs they are. i mentioned before, in my pie fight entry, that progressive men like to pretend that they’re all enlightened where women’s issues are concerned, but it turns out that a vast majority of them just talk big. seems a lot of them are the same where race issues are concerned.

there was a big to-do over at dkos yesterday regarding cynthia mckinney. needless to say, most (if not all) of her biggest detractors were white men. see, they like to act as though they see beyond color, but when it comes down to it, they don’t. they’re just as quick to jump all over her as the assholes at red state or free republic.

i’m sick of this two-facedness. if you’re an intolerant, prejudiced asshole, stop acting like you’re so high and mighty all the damn time and admit what you really are. you like to pretend that you’re intelligent and enlightened, so that when someone calls you on your bullshit, you can look all surprised and injured and whine, “but i have friends that are (insert minority here)!” before whipping out a photo of yourself with one of your token minority friends, ala colbert. my dad married a black woman, and, let me tell you, that doesn’t mean jack.

i’m not saying that women can’t be guilty of this, too. but yesterday on dk, most of the people jumping to her defense were women. in my experience, women tend to be more understanding regarding other minorities, as they can more easily identify with them. and at least women seem to admit guilt on their races’ behalf more readily than men do.

anyway, my point is that i hate it when people pretend to be all pious, and be something they’re not. it’s especially obnoxious to me, in this case, because these people know better. they know it’s wrong to believe that people aren’t equal, and act like they agree, but then eventually the truth about what they really think, comes out. this is supposed to be something that men like tom delay do, yet progressives are doing it all the time as well.

so, stupid, intolerant white bastards: either truly believe all the crap that pours out of your mouth, and live it, or admit that you think minorities are inferior and quit with all the false piety. you deserve to be called on your bullshit, so quit acting like you’re being unfairly attacked when someone points it out.

hi all. i know i never update anymore. being a grown up sucks. it’s really interfering with my blogging and gaming. >_< anyway, i drove around quite a bit on my own last week, and that seems to be going well. i got an adapter for my mp3 player, so i can listen to it in the car, which is pretty awesome, as i only have radio/cassette capabilities, and i can’t find most of my old tapes.

and i have about a month of school left. i’m not looking forward to all the final stuff, and i’m pretty darn sure i’m going to avoid going to school this summer, if at all possible. coz i’m going to be busy, what with working and trying to sell the house.

speaking of, every weekend, sohei and i tackle a room of the house and get it ready to show. it’s my goal to put the house up in may, so it works out pretty well. we did the garage last saturday, and it was surprisingly easy since sohei already did a lot of it. but this past saturday was the kitchen and was that a bitch. thankfully, aside from the master bath, i think that’s probably going to be the hardest room. of course, i guess there’s the bedroom closets to do, and those won’t be fun, either.

so, yeah, driving, school, getting the house ready to sell, and, of course, there’s work. which is going alright. but the morning guy is leaving on friday, since he got another job. and my boss will be leaving at the end of april. which is going to suck pretty bad, because he’s about the best boss i’ve ever had, and these changes very seldom work for the better. oh well. if it really sucks, i’ll just quit. i’ll have to quit when we move, anyway, and i haven’t even made enough yet to pay for one full semester of school. (which is why i filled out a financial aid thingy recently.) i am getting a raise soon. a whole 25 cents extra an hour. w00t. better than nothing i guess, since i’m already making next-to-nothing as it is.

and i haven’t been going to church, because i don’t even want to deal with anything regarding that anymore. i already have enough on my plate, and while i enjoy being there, i don’t really enjoy all the stuff that goes along with it.

oh, and i’m getting my wisdom teeth out on the 13th. and i’m a bit terrified. yes, it’s done all the time, but i’m dreading it anyway. my back left tooth is beginning to hurt so bad, though, i can’t wait to get it out of my fucking head. but i do not like being put under. i’ve had this iv sedation before, and i had the odd feeling afterward that i’d died and not realized it. sometimes i still wonder about that. and the bottom tooth on the right is lying on its side, and he said he’d have to leave the root coz it overlaps the nerve. you know, the nerve which, if you bruise, you could lose feeling in your jaw. hooray for a lifetime of slack-jawed drooling and inability to taste. i guess at least i’d finally lose weight. on this thing i had to sign, the last risk was death. i guess it’s okay if i die, but if i become a vegetable, i’d like to make it clear right here, for the sake of legal argument, that i want to be allowed to die. don’t keep me alive in that state, okay? okay. that being said, please wish me luck, or whatever the hell it was you did when i went for my license test, because that seemed to work pretty well.

anyway, i’ve got to sign off. there’s more to bang on about, but i have to hurry up and take care of the laundry so we can go to the used record store before we meet my father in law in greektown. (gyros and pastries for gish!)

[edit:] well, the italics aren’t fucking working. so just imagine them or something. you know where they go.