…i told you so.

Brace for more Katrinas, say experts – Yahoo! News:

For all its numbing ferocity, Hurricane Katrina will not be a unique event, say scientists, who say that global warming appears to be pumping up the power of big Atlantic storms.”

i was just looking through verizon’s ringback tones. to my surprise there were a lot of ministry songs. and since the service doesn’t seem too expensive, i actually thought about getting a song or two. (provided it’s not 99 cents/song/month.) then i thought, since you can assign ringbacks to specific people, wouldn’t it be cool if i got a unique ringback for a couple of entries in my directory? but then it occured to me that no one ever calls me, so it wouldn’t be as cool as it first seemed. also, as i went through the songs, i saw some that would be very good to assign people in certain situations. or for people that really liked that song. for instance, i would assign hey mama to dad, since he likes it so much. and if my old boss still called me, i’d have to assign metallica’s one to him, since he said that song makes him want to kill people. and, as you can imagine, for certain people, american idiot, hit ‘em up style, or no scrubs would be pretty appropriate. i can tell you, if i had this sort of thing in high school – or at any point in my life where i received a lot of phone calls – i would be using the hell out of it. despite only ever getting calls from sohei, as well as the occasional call from my dad or sister, i am mightily tempted to get a ministry song. i’m trying to decide between so what and cannibal song.

oh well. i doubt sohei would be for it. though i do look forward to telling him that there’s a wide selection of songs by bands he really likes. :wink:

speaking of getting him to part with money, we parted with quite a bit of it this weekend. we went over to tampa on saturday to buy my books. ouch. because school starts tomorrow. :shocked: of course, while there, we went to the used music store. where i finally found the verve cd i wanted, used, and bought it with some of my birthday money. (a storm in heaven, if you care. and, if you’re like sohei, you don’t.) on the way home, we managed to drive through the only tail of katrina that hit our area. of course. but we made it back alive. then, today/sunday we went to a store that sells instruments musical and drooled over some stuff. we ended up buying new strings for my bass, and his guitar, some picks, and – finally – a decent mic. i wanted this yamaha synthesizer, and he wanted this sweet black ibanez guitar (he was looking at this one and this one, i think, preferring the former), but since we spent so much on my books, he said we’d have to wait til another day. (i have just discovered that ibanez has an h.r. geiger series of guitars. sweeeet. :ooh: )

okay, i really need to go to bed.

i’m chatting on aim with my father. at 4 a.m. about his new girlfriend. and he’s lamenting the fact that she’s out of town, and he’ll be out of town next week, and having no contact with her, for reasons that are long and involved. and he’s using words like “prolly.”

is it any wonder that i find this time of year so surreal?

dad sent me some pics from our trip, and a picture of his girlfriend, so i thought i’d share. (by the way, juchan, if you want me to take down the ones of you and ga-kun, let me know.) i won’t torment those of you using dial-up, so just click on the links below.

gish and sohei, together at last

ga-kun, awake at last

juchan, amused (i love this pic. she looks more like mum all the time. :happy: )

and, finally, dad’s new girlfriend. she’s so cute! he’d better not screw this up… oh, and isn’t his neighborhood pretty? except for his lawn? :lol:

okay, well that’s all.

gah, my stomach’s been a bit off again, lately. despite this, i will be playing trophy wife again at one of sohei’s work events, this evening. (i am obviously joking about the trophy wife thing.) i wonder, occasionally, whether i’m supposed to take my lip ring out for certain things. i know i have to take it out for job interviews, and i took it out when i had to meet with the homeowner’s association. but i don’t take it out for sohei’s work gatherings, and i didn’t take it out for mum’s funeral. in fact, at the funeral, i had chipped black nail polish, a lip ring, bright red hair, and a coat lined with leopard-print fur. i didn’t really care at the time, but sometimes i have to wonder what all those people that didn’t know me, must have thought. i still don’t really care. but they must have thought me odd. (i’m relatively certain that anyone living where mum was buried, that saw me, must have thought me odd, in general.) but mum was cool with me by the time she died, so it bothers me little.

okay, it’s 2 a.m. now. thought i’d update about the outing before i continue my post. we went out to eat with some people from his department, in honor of one of them retiring. i love his co-workers. the man who’s retiring, and his wife, got their undergrad degrees in english lit, and masters in library science, like me! and the guy sitting next to me said he knows someone important in the hillsborough library system, so i might have an in. between uncle mike’s friend in the usf library system, and the guy chris’ co-worker knows, i may have a shot at a job. in hillsborough county. :lol: well, that’s what i’m getting my license for, ne? i always heard all this stuff about networking, but didn’t think it would ever apply to me, since i don’t know anyone. guess i was wrong. :happy: anyway, as usual, i had a bit much to drink, without really meaning to. so i tried not to talk too much or smile excessively. coz i look quite silly when i’m tipsy. but everything was nice, and i wish i saw more of everyone, like when sohei first started working there.

anyway, i didn’t really end up talking about my birthday. coz it was a busy day. and i’ve just been busy in general. but it was awesome. sohei’s mum, pam, came over, and gave me this cute kimono picture thing, coz she said it reminded her of my wedding kimono. it did look very much like it. i think i’ll hang it in the bedroom, which is where my kimono is hanging, over my bed. and we went for lunch, and i got a wrap and some fruit and it was yum-o. then we went to the museum, and all the meiji stuff was so cool. and there was this actual photo of a guy committing seppuku. (a grainy copy of the very same pic can be seen in the wiki article below.) and there were these two old women marveling at it, and wondering aloud who the guy with the sword was that was standing behind the suicide guy. so sohei and i explained – at length – the seppuku process, and about the second. and i blathered on about the last seppuku. but they were actually interested, so it was okay. and we saw the monets that mum had loved so much when we went to the museum with her. (that museum has so many memories for me… sohei and i went there on a field trip when we very first started dating. and we took mum there for mother’s day the year she died. and so on.) and we saw these pictures blake did of the book of job. sohei wants to name our son blake, coz william blake is so cool, but i think the name sounds a little preppy. (sorry if your name is blake. i hope we have a girl.)

so it was a really nice day. and tonight was nice, too. i actually seem to miss mum more when things are going well. i always find myself wanting to tell her everything. and if you wished me a happy birthday, thanks. :blush: i promise to catch up with my email soon.

i am now closer to 30 than 20. :cry:

so, today sohei’s mum is taking us to the museum for the meiji exhibit. and lunch. and sohei is taking me to my favorite restaurant for dinner. unfortunately, i’m tired, and kind of feel like crap, but i’m hoping it’ll pass.

sohei’s mum has always been good to me, but she’s been even nicer since mum died. i really do love my in-laws. they’re like family to me.

i’d like to say more about everything, but i feel kind of incoherent right now… maybe i’ll post again later…

i keep forgetting to mention that i didn’t actually make it to the rally the other night. it stormed til past six, so we didn’t go. and i guess she had to leave her post, anyway, coz her mother had a stroke. i feel so sorry for her. she loses her son, pundit idiots are downright nasty regarding her, her husband files for divorce, and now her mother has a stroke. she says she may be back. bush is such a blind idiot, though, i don’t see how it’ll make much difference at this point. people, it seems, have already made up their minds one way or the other regarding the issue, and i don’t see him backing down now and talking to her. what with living in his own little world and all. it’s beginning to come crashing down, though… i wonder if he’ll have some kind of breakdown or something. it would be amusing if he weren’t capable of destroying the world. which he’s doing a good enough job as, “sane.”

my kaos/smilies aren’t working, for some reason. they’re supposed to be animated, you know… i’m thinking maybe it’s temporary, but if not, i’ll work on it later. just so you know.

if this is all the heaven i get, i’ll gladly take it.

this long stretch of general happiness is due in part, of course, to sohei. :love: it’s always nice when i go out of town for a while, coz i get all kinds of appreciated. this time around, he actually took the day off the friday i left, which was pretty nice. and we’ve been having a decent time of it since i got home. i didn’t get yelled at for any of my purchases or anything. :shocked: since i tend to complain about him sometimes on here, i thought i should mention when he’s good, too. you know, to balance things out. :wink: but not too much, coz that sort of thing is just disgusting.

and my happiness goes beyond sohei, anyway. and school and everything. i think that part of the reason for my general sense of well-being has to do with the aftermath of mum’s death. i’m obviously not glad she’s gone. but maybe i’m a tiny bit proud of myself for not completely losing it or killing myself. sure, you say, people lose loved ones every day and get through it eventually. but a year ago, i had a hard time coping with the smallest of problems. and even when i didn’t have problems, i would make them up in the form of imagined illnesses and stuff.

but i’ve done a lot of growing in the past year. i’m still of the opinion that, upon witnessing mum’s death, i grew ten years in about ten seconds. or, more realistically, in the span of that week. i am essentially the same person i’ve always been, but just more able to, well, cope. i went through, what i considered, at the time, one of the worst things that could ever happen. and i got through it somehow. i still miss her, of course. the other night, after watching that movie with joan allen, i cried a little in the car on the way home. she just looked so much like mum, i almost got weepy while watching her. (i know it sounds terrible, since the character was supposed to be something of a bitch, but the look she was giving her daughter’s boyfriend was so similar, it was unbelievable. i felt silly making the comparison, but sohei actually pointed it out before i did.) maybe the best way to describe it is, i feel invincible. like i can make it through anything. i lost my mother, and my best friend. and while it hurts that she’s gone, my life didn’t end there. it really felt like it would, for a while, but it didn’t. in part, because i know she wouldn’t have wanted it to.

i think i’ve been off buspar since june. i really should have kept better track of when i quit taking it. but it’s been about two months. i’m proud of that, too. i thought it would be something i’d be dependent on for the rest of my life. it’s not like life has been perfect since i quit taking it, either. i’ve just learned not to let things bother me. and since i’m less afraid of death, the hypochondria is no longer a problem.

so i just feel beautiful and unafraid and lovely and invincible. i know that bad things will happen to me. i know that someday, something will happen that makes mum’s death pale in comparison. but at least i don’t feel like i’m at the mercy of that, of my fear, anymore. i feel like i have some answers now, to help me get through the bad times. that things just happen, and not because i necessarily did anything wrong. but when i have done something wrong, i need to own up to it, and quit pawning my problems off on others, or some unseen entity or vague idea. i can’t begin to solve my problems unless i realize what the source is, even if it’s me. and i need to accept that sometimes things just are. i feel like i can do that now. at least, better than i could a year ago. every second, something changes, making me a new person. i need to decide who i want to be in that moment. and, lately, i’ve decided i want to be happy. i want to create heaven for myself, without ignoring the bad things going on in the world. it’s all such a fine line, but i’m learning to walk it, i think.

but enough navel-gazing or whatever. my mother-in-law is possibly taking me to the museum of fine arts tomorrow, to see the meiji era exhibit (i am really, seriously excited about this), and i have to clean up around here. which is why i’ve been posting so much, and not talking to anyone. if she doesn’t take me tomorrow, we’ll go next weekend, but it’s better to be safe than sorry regarding the house. maybe i should email w-sensei about the exhibit, coz i sure didn’t know about it…

oh, and a happy birthday to birdy, whether he likes it or not. what is up with all the august birthdays? :confused: a lot of my old friends had birthdays in august, too. in fact, i know at least three people that have birthdays on august 8. hum.

i’m supposed to be doing something else today. can you tell?

anyway, i’ve been really involved with music stuff lately. like jsff, but also listening to a lot of different bands, and watching concert dvds and stuff.

and, my goodness, but ogre of skinny puppy is hot. hot, hot, hot.

while it’s generally not in my nature to mark out for celebrities, there are a few musicians that i have huge crushes on. ya’ll already know about how madly in love i am with alain jourgensen. or maybe you don’t. whatever. i am now also madly in love with nivek ogre. he makes being covered in blood fucktastic. if it wasn’t already. mmmm. and i think eminem is hot, too. but i think that’s pretty much it.

there’s just something about activist musicians…

i start school on the 29th… i’m so nervous and excited, i can hardly stand it. i’ve been in two grad-level classes before, and they were really hard. it’s only two classes, thankfully, so i’ll have time to get used to it. the sylabii(?) are already posted, so i looked over them. one of the classes has a term paper assigned, and i know from experience with my other two grad classes, that it will probably be at least 50 pages. maybe i’ll be pleasantly surprised, however, and it’ll end up being more like 30 or so. eep.

but, despite having some mini-panic attacks about this, i’m still really excited. the coursework will be challenging, yes, but the classes all revolve around what i want to do with my life… the more i learn about librarianship, the more i know that i’ve made the right choice. when sohei started talking about law school, and his ambitions regarding fighting for the little guy, i was a little envious. but librarians are not – despite the stereotypes – boring people. they constantly fight small battles in their own communities, regarding such issues as censorship, and have had to start fighting larger battles against the government, due to the patriot act. while i won’t be defending the average joe against corporate greed and the like, i’ll be doing my own small part to make the world a better place. knowledge is power, and it’ll be my job to share it with people, and make it easier for them to find. i suppose i’m being overly idealistic, but i have loved the library from a very young age, and entering this profession is like some kind of dream come true. i can’t believe i made it this far.

some people seek fame and fortune. i seek knowledge and, well, quiet.

another thing i love about librarianship is the sense of community. i know i’ve mentioned it before, but i never get tired of the reaction i get when i mention to a librarian that i’m pursuing a career in the library. the sad truth is, this is a line of work that very few people are interested in. no one wants to be a librarian. either because it’s too “boring,” the salary is too low, or people just don’t realize what it is that librarians do. (i can’t tell you the number of times people have said to me, “you have to go to grad school to check books out to people?!”) so if you express an interest in the field, there are a lot of people willing to do whatever they can to help you. which is really nice. and the library school at usf has this message thingy which keeps library students informed about new classes opening up, or local job opportunities. the english department didn’t really do much to foster any kind of sense of community, so this is a nice change of pace.

i guess i could go on and on about this subject, but i can hear ya’ll yawning already. but this is better than listening to me whine, ne?

wow, i was looking back on that orlando post, and i was obviously not feeling like my obsessive edit-friendly self. what with the frequent name-changes and whatnot. i think i’ll leave it alone, though, for posterity.

life in general has been alright, though i’m still really congested. i got zoo tycoon 2 for my birthday, from sohei, so i’ve been playing that a lot, as well as the sims university expansion, which i bought with my graduation present money. from my father-in-law. he gave me $50. w00t. oh, and a video camera for my birthday, which i didn’t even ask for (or would dream of asking for), but have wanted for a long time. apparently, he’s psychic, coz i’ve never mentioned it. it would have been fun to take to orlando, so sohei could follow my adventures, but that’s what cam phones are for, i guess. and my dad’s graduation present is about $5000 for tuition purposes. he’s dividing it out over three semesters, which means i have to scrape together the rest, but i’m sure as hell not complaining. after last year, this birthday is already turning out to be far more awesome, and the actual day isn’t til sunday. i assume i’ll have a bit more money coming in by then, so i will be buying a lot of cds, and hopefully the pretty in punk jade doll. because i’m insane. seriously, you should see my amazon wish list. it borders on bizarre. actually, i guess i’ll go ahead and post the link, coz it’s too late for anyone to order anything for my birthday, so it’s not like i’m asking for anything.

here is my wish list, in all its odd glory. gadgets, industrial music, and bratz dolls…

speaking of birthdays, if you didn’t know (and a lot of you prolly do), boogity’s birthday is on the same day as mine. he actually has a life, and so will not be sitting at his computer awaiting email, but you should wish him a happy birthday nonetheless.

if it isn’t still storming, i’ll be heading over to the cindy sheehan rally in st. pete pretty soon. i think it starts at 5:30? anyway, i’ve heard that people have been getting arrested around here lately for this sort of thing, so i’m a little nervous. but i guess i don’t mind getting arrested, as long as i don’t get shot, tazed, gassed, etc.

so wish me don’t die.

i still feel bloody awful, so this will be a truncated version of my week in o-town.

juchan and gavin picked me up on friday. we drove to orlando, without having any sort of surreal adventures. i suspect that this is because gavin was driving. we went to the grocery store, then home, and juchan and i sat around eating and talking and whatnot til kind of late, and i slept in a bed with one too many mattresses, which was interesting. then i woke up. bjork’s hyperballad had been looping in my head for some time. and i missed sohei a lot.

so we watched (celebreality) tv until gavin got home from work, then went to get juchan’s hair done. then went to the vietnamese market and got lots of cute snacks. and, since i’m obviously dying, i think i got sars, too. (just kidding, please don’t kill me.) so now i have a hello kitty tin with grape candy within. w00t. and we went to the timeshare to meet dad. and we ate sandwiches and juchan and i stayed up all night. and played catchphrase, which is where the above title comes from. coz one of the words was “french toast.” then i got “french kiss”, so that was my clue. and then, later, i got the word “nature” and i said, “hippies worship this!” and juchan said, “the sun?” and i said, “no, they’re not incas.” though i’m not entirely sure incas worshiped the sun, either. oh, and i got presents. dad got me the jade baby doll i wanted (featured in one of the pics below), and juchan got me cherry blossom bath and body stuff.

and we did random things on sunday, i think, like going back to the grocery store. and i felt really bad for gavin, so i bought him a bag of dove chocolate.

so the next day, we went to a mall, that i forget the name of. i actually didn’t buy anything. coz they didn’t have the bra i wanted, and the pants were $40. oh, wait, i think i bought really cute $7 shoes. and there was a creepy guy that kept trying to accost juchan. so we started walking around with dad. coz he’ll take his fake leg off and beat people with it, bitches. :cool: and juchan made good chicken things for dinner.

on tuesday, i think we vegged all day. except for when i went to the gym with dad. i went with him for about an hour every day, except friday when i was too damn sick. that’s why i still looked hot when i came home, despite eating nothing but junk the whole time. and we went to macaroni grill for my (early) birthday dinner, and i ordered a very nice drink. but for the first half, dad was talking about how pitiful my life is, and for the second half, juchan was fighting with us. and i was practicing my kana on the table with crayons. thank goodness for paper table cloths, i say. so juchan went back home that night.

on wednesday, we went to millenia mall, which was ridiculous. but juchan and i bought matching hello kitty underwear, coz that’s how we are. and i got a nice address book.

and on thursday, we went to downtown disney, which is free. but i bought a bjork cd. with hyperballad on it. imagine that. it was very cheap. and i also bought a new incense holder, because yume no yume (dream of dreams) makes the best incense stuff ever. (i already had the crane one.) and that i love carbs shirt i took a picture of. and these nice people accosted us, and asked for money coz their little league team was in town for a game or something. so i gave them what i had left, and told them i didn’t need a candy bar. and i met gavin’s friend, hugo, who was very nice, though his ideas on privatization are irrational at best.

then was friday. i’d been getting sick since wednesday, but i couldn’t even get out of bed that morning. so no gym for me. i did go get some cold medicine, but felt near-dead by the time i got back. and sohei came up that night, and we had damn good times, coz julie and gavin came over, too. and gavin was pretty upset that i beat him at scrabble, coz no one has ever done that, but i’ll bet he forgets about it. i hope.

and the next day, chris drove me home.

so that was orlando. lots of working out, shopping, eating, and vegging. not unlike my everyday life. and also, dad asked juchan and i if it was okay if he started dating again. coz he likes this woman at work, rosemary. but he’s only asking her out now, coz she’s about to leave for another job. we told him it was okay. and i grilled him without mercy for the rest of the trip, from tuesday on. he was pretty good about it. and i was really curious about her. and i like to tease people, too, i guess. juchan, gavin, and even chris wondered – when dad wasn’t around – if it wasn’t just a little soon. but i don’t think so. as long as she isn’t a 20-something gold-digger, i don’t care. i don’t like dad being alone. so i’d be happy if she lived with him or whatever. it’ll be a year in october, and i think putting a date on that sort of thing is a little arbitrary. my father-in-law said he didn’t see anything wrong with it, either. but he’s given up on dating and all. rosemary seems really nice, anyway, from what i’ve heard.

okay, i’m tired already. so that’s all for it.

i’m back from my trip. but i’m too sick to talk about all of it. i got back early this morning and slept all day. and i think i’m going to keep doing that. :sick:

and i also think that liking zombie movies is something that sohei and i will probably never have in common.

I ,
originally uploaded by gishfeiticeira.

Had to buy

Cat purse,
originally uploaded by gishfeiticeira.

Didn’t buy

gigi,
originally uploaded by gishfeiticeira.

My nephew

well, i’m leaving town in a couple hours… (i know my events thingy says tomorrow, but i was too lazy to change it.) anyway, i’ll be at my sister’s house til tomorrow night, then we’ll be heading over to the timeshare when dad gets into town. as you can imagine, i won’t be able to blog much. but i’ll still be doing some phone posts, so there’s that. hope ya’ll don’t miss me too much.

haha.

<3

i just got back from the eye doctor, and can’t see for anything… my eyes do not like to be dilated. look below for a creepy pic. my eyes get as big as neko’s. meh. sohei’s eyes are brown, so they didn’t look nearly as weird. anyway, since my eyes are killing me, and i can’t see, i’ll keep it short.

oh, and my eyes are fine. the lazy eye i had as a child has since fixed itself? i still can’t see things far away very well, so he said i could get glasses if i want to. i don’t have to. so i was going to get prescription sunglasses just for driving, but sohei vetoed it already. so i guess no glasses. and the double vision from last year was, indeed, some freak occurence, and i’m totally fine now. he said it most likely was a virus that inflamed my ocular muscle or something. and my macular degeneration problem has healed itself miraculously. and all the people that work there, including the doctor, are really cute.

but i still really hate going to the eye doctor.

Your Mood Ring is Light Blue

Emotions mixed Unsettled Cool

well it sure was right about the first two.

i feel disgusting today…

in other news, chris and i set up our band blog last night. so you can follow our progress. or whatever.

and i was going to revamp my splash page to be a directory for all the sites i’m hosting now. but…

i feel disgusting today…

Don’t drag me down
Just because you’re down
And just cause you’re blue
Don’t make me too
And though you’ve found
You need more than me
Don’t talk to me
About being free

That’s freedom without love
And magic without love
Magic without love

Hear me say
Better things will surely come our way
Hear me say
Better things will surely come our way

You say the magic’s gone
Well i’m not a magician
You say the spark’s gone
Well get an electrician
And save your line about needing to be free
All that’s bullshit babe
You just want rid of me

You want freedom without love
And magic without love
Magic without love
Yeah

Hear me say
Better things will surely come my way
Hear me say
Better things will surely come my way

massive attack – better things

meh. i feel so icky tonight… i have a headache, my sinus is killing me, and now my stomach’s upset. i suppose i’m in a mood. and my tuition is going up. again. even though it just did last year. and i had to pay a late fee last time, even though i paid my original tuition on time, because no one bothered to notify me of the increase. at least this time i got an email, i guess.

i thought i had something to say, but i guess i don’t.