Salon.com Arts & Entertainment | Missionary man:

…or some of the other marquee names affiliated with the church, including actors John Travolta and his wife, Kelly Preston, Kirstie Alley and Jason Lee, musicians Beck, Lisa Marie Presley and Chick Corea, and Fox News anchor Greta Van Susteren.

beck is a scientologist?? noooooo! :sick:

Your Summer Anthem is Speed of Sound by Coldplay All that noise, and all that sound, All those places I got found. And birds go flying at the speed of sound, to show you how it all began. You’re out of your mind this summer, in a good way.

(actually, i think my summer anthem this year is “girlfight.” it’s always on the radio when i’m driving.)

In your circle of friends you are the one who likes
to keep an eye out for all the others. Always
there with advice or encouragement, you are
dependable and kind.
If you’re not a parent already, you’ll make a great
one when the time comes.

Which Pooh character are you?
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Salon.com News | War? What war?:

It’s about heads getting shot off, and faces torn apart, and babies cut in two, and everything else horrible that can happen to a human body when big pieces of metal hit it at incredible speed. That is what war is — no more, no less. The Spanish artist Goya knew this; he drew it in his “Disasters of War,” and under one of his hideous etchings he wrote these simple words: “This always happens.”

This always happens: Every combat veteran knows this about war, but the politicians who make war don’t, or don’t tell. Yes, compared with World War II, or even Vietnam, not many American troops are dying in Iraq. But every GI who dies in Iraq, and every dead Iraqi civilian we don’t count, is a human being like you or me…

this pretty well sums up my depression regarding the war and the world in general. the whole article is well worth reading.

No net access for hrs… Update when fixed.

Man dies after lightning strikes metal cross – Yahoo! News:

A man died after lightning struck a metal cross he was holding during a funeral in a village near Ljubljana, the Slovenian news agency STA reported Thursday.

i was going to make a snarky comment about proof that god doesn’t exist (the christian god, anyway), but i don’t really need to, do i?

i’ve been pretty down today. i just haven’t felt like doing much of anything for the past couple of days. i haven’t even played any video games. just randomly watching tv and reading and not doing anything i’m supposed to be doing. well, except applying for that job.

also, i was looking at my archives, between my last birthday and the time mum died. that was pretty depressing. it seems like i actually had something to say back then, though. i don’t say much anymore. of course, almost everything i’ve ever written here is a complaint or rant of some kind.

and nothing ever really changes.

i mean, it does, a bit. but fundamentally, things are still the same. my life has all these patterns that keep repeating themselves.

like i never know what to do about anything. and i’m lonely as hell.

i got my application and cover letter out for the library job, but i don’t feel very good about it. for one thing, i just remembered that i forgot to put my pay rate in the boxes asking for them. coz i meant to look for records somewhere, coz i didn’t remember what i’d been paid at my jobs. and i think that somewhere on the long application, it said something about being disqualified for leaving anything incomplete. well. i’m glad i poured so much time into it. hopefully it’ll be overlooked.

even so, i had to print the cover letter on our shitty old printer, coz my dear husband couldn’t be arsed to hook up the new one for me, that we’ve had since last freaking sunday. so it looks pretty bad. and when i sent it to him to proof via email, i called to make sure he got it, coz i had to get everything out to the mail right away. and he was very nasty and grouchy about it, saying he had things to do, and he didn’t have time for this. he looked at it anyway and told me what was wrong with it. so i got off the phone to finish up, and he called me back right after i hung up, and asked if we had anything here for lunch and seemed to be debating with himself out loud whether he should come home. i somehow refrained from exploding and snottily reminding him that he didn’t have time for this, and instead told him i had to finish what i was doing and get it out to the mail, but he was free to come home for lunch, and i’d fix him something.

for someone who acts so disgusted with me all the time for being useless, he sure didn’t seem to want to help me get this job. :annoyed:

so i managed to get everything out on time, but it probably won’t matter coz i can think of at least one thing i fucked up on. oh well. i wasn’t completely qualified for the job anyway. i’m going to apply to largo library, too, since they have a couple of openings for their new library. i hope i can get a library job somewhere…

in case anyone was clamoring to see my pre-blogger archives, they are now housed here. (the month archive thingy is deceptively short. my archives go back to april ‘03.)

anyway, today has been useless internet surfing day. i’ve been adding stuff to my wishlist, since both graduation and my birthday are coming up. and last year’s birthday really sucked. even though i now know why. i’m pretty sure my dad’s graduation gift to me is fall tuition, which i really can’t complain about, even though it means no powerbook. shadow would’ve had a conniption about it, anyway. for some reason, he has to approve of all my gifts.

i’m chatting on aim with juchan, and must share this:
gish: i bet he’s [former boyfriend] in prison about now
juchan: lol I’m sorry gish, but I’ll bet half of your old boyfriends are there too

i bet so, too. :cry:

well, i’d better pay attention to what juchan’s saying, since she’s telling me what she wants on her new page. :wink:

i know i haven’t been saying much… life is pretty boring, though. i’m either working on school, trying to get a job, studying for my driving exam, or playing sims 2.

that was worth posting, ne? :nyah:

despite waking up early on purpose so that i could sleep tonight, i’m awake. i think part of the problem is that i fell asleep while studying. that, and i’m in serious denial about things that always feel beyond my control.

anyway.

i was going to post about some thoughts regarding the way i’m handling mum’s death, but i think it would be mostly incoherent.

so instead i’ll share my responses to a thingy that i’ve seen here and there on livejournal.

Have you ever…

Snuck out of the house? yep.
Gotten lost in your city? i don’t think so…
Seen a shooting star? yeah.
Been to any other countries besides Canada? sadly, no.
Had a serious surgery? thankfully, no.
Gone out in public in your pajamas? yeah.
Kissed a stranger? that depends. what classifies someone as a “stranger?”
Hugged a stranger? sure.
Been in a fist fight? it was too one-sided and short to be considered a fist fight.
Been arrested? not yet.
Laughed and had milk/coke come out of your nose? yeah, right into some popcorn.
Pushed all the buttons on an elevator? that’s just crappy.
Swore at your parents? oh yes.
Been in love? if there is such a thing, yes.
Been close to love? eh, zuh?
Been to a casino? unfortunately.
Been skydiving? nooooo.
Skinny dipped? haha yes.
Skipped school? of course.
Seen a therapist? not as such. (it was “family counseling”) but i really need to.
Done the splits? never been able to.
Played spin the bottle? i don’t think so…
Gotten stitches? nope.
Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour? ew. who would do that?
Bitten someone? of course.
Been to Niagara Falls? can’t say that i have.
Gotten the chicken pox? i guess i did when i was a baby.
Kissed a member of the same sex? not sexfully. meh.
Crashed into a friend’s car? nope. but i did crash into the garage door and our garbage can. w00t.
Been to Japan? maybe someday…
Ridden in a taxi? too many times…
Been dumped? actually, no. but then, i quit dating when i was 15.
Shoplifted? yeah, i did that a lot in my early teens.
Been fired? not really.
Had a crush on someone of the same sex? yeah.
Had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back? probably.
Gone on a blind date? not unless you count bbs dating.
Lied to a friend? probably.
Had a crush on a teacher? haha yeah.
Celebrated Mardi-Gras in New Orleans? no. just spent a day of my honeymoon there.
Slept with a co-worker? nope. actually, i’ve worked with shadow at a couple of jobs, so yes.
Seen someone die? yes.
Had a close friend die? yes.
Been to Africa? nope.
Driven over 400 miles in one day? i wasn’t actually driving. i was just in the car.
Been to Mexico? not yet.
Been to India? nope.
Been on a plane? too many times. i hate it.
Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show? not in a theater, but yeah, tons of times.
Thrown up in a bar? nope. haven’t thrown up since i was 11.
Purposely set a part of myself on fire? don’t think so.
Eaten sushi? yep. yum-o.
Been skiing/snowboarding? nope.
Met someone in person from the internet? haha yes.
Lost a child? no, and i hope not to.
Gone to college/university? yes, and it’s taking forever.
Graduated college/university? medical transcription certificate ‘99, associates degree ‘00, and my bachelors this summer. (hopefully).
Fired a gun? a pellet gun. that’s it.
Purposely hurt yourself? unless you mean through smoking or eating the wrong things all the time, no.
Taken painkillers? i took mild ones when my headaches were really bad for a while.
Been intimate with someone of the same gender? no. nonononono. no. but i really want to.

let me start out by saying that if anyone’s thinking of getting me something for my birthday this year, a manic panic gift certificate is the way to go. :wink:

but seriously, i should really just avoid their website. the irony is, i’m too broke to buy anything now, but when i have a job, i won’t be able to actually use a lot of the stuff i want to buy. also, i wonder how old is too old for some things… who am i kidding? i don’t care! it would be nice to be eternally 18, though.

the same goes for hot topic. most of their stuff is too damn expensive. but i’m probably too old to wear most of it anyway.

i’m almost 26. i’m reaching my late 20s. can you tell i’m not going to grow old gracefully? it’s not even the wrinkles or grey hair i’m worried about. in fact, i think grey hair would be cool. but you just can’t pull off the goth look as well when you get past a certain age. not that i’m not going to try like hell to do it. all i can say is that i sure wish we had places like hot topic when i was in school. sure, you could find cool stuff to wear here and there, but it wasn’t easy. i had to go to places like frederick’s when i wanted some fishnets. which is okay, but it’s not a place you want to drag your parents into. well, i didn’t, anyway.

i know it’s very unenlightened, but i want nothing more than to go on a major shopping spree right now…

i just can’t sleep at night anymore…

anyway, i was thinking about going back to the south beach diet, phase one next week, so i went to the forum i used to frequent for recipe ideas. i poked around a bit to see what the ladies were up to, and was disappointed to see that so many had been gaining. even the ones who are so strict about their eating. which served to remind me that, as tempting as it is, diets don’t work. even ones that seem nutritionally sound. my weight has been creeping back up, which always freaks me out, but i know that if i go back to phase one, i’ll lose eight pounds in about a week, but it’ll be back with reinforcements. i would love to drop that much weight so fast, but i know from experience that it won’t stay that way. i really just need to eat less. and get off my ass and exercise. that’s all there is to it, i guess. i wish i had some self-control… i don’t even mind being so overweight, but once i get past a certain point, it really upsets me.

all is not terrible, however. i’ll be getting some (free!) bratz dolls in the mail this week, from an incredibly kind stranger. also, i practiced stuff for my driver’s test, and didn’t do too badly. i think i really might pull it off. :happy: shadow will still be restricting where i can go, but just being able to go to the store and the library will be awesome. i can’t imagine driving by myself. oh, and chris says there’s no written portion to the test – when he took it, anyway – so that’s one less thing to worry about. (there is a written portion, dammit.)

i have to say, though, i’m a bit worried about what driving will do to my weight… easy access to such evils as the grocery store bakery and taco bell may be my downfall. until shadow cancels my bank card, anyway. :blush:

For Chinese, Peasant Revolt Is Rare Victory – Yahoo! News:

By the time dawn broke, up to 20,000 peasants from the half-dozen villages that make up Huaxi township had responded to the alarm, participants recounted, and they were in no mood to bow to authority. For four years, they had been complaining that industrial pollution was poisoning the land, stunting the crops and fouling the water in their fertile valley surrounded by forested hills 120 miles south of Hangzhou. And now their protest — blocking the entrance to an industrial park — was being put down by force.

A pitched battle erupted that soggy morning between enraged farmers and badly outnumbered police. By the end of the day, high-ranking officials had fled in their black sedans and hundreds of policemen had scattered in panic while farmers destroyed their vehicles. It was a rare triumph for the peasants, rising up against the all-powerful Communist Party government.

go peasants! there are so many people in china, i figured it was only a matter of time that a protest would be successful. i hate to think how some of these people are going to be punished, though…

things are looking up a bit today. i saw on one of the local channels that there’s an opening on the library board, so i went to the city website to see about it. and i didn’t see anything about the library board, but i did find an open position for a part time librarian. which i’ve never heard of before. turns out it’s for 35 hours a week (so they don’t have to pay benefits, i guess) and, best of all, you don’t actually have to be a real librarian. no master’s degree or anything. if i were an actual librarian with a degree, there’s no way in hell i’d take the job. but i’m not a librarian yet, so i’m all over it. no, i don’t quite have all of the qualifications, but they look to be freaking desperate (like all libraries, apparently), so maybe i have a hope in hell. i’ll be filling out the application tomorrow and calling around to see where i need to take it. i could really, really use this job…

and, in other news, i’ll be studying the florida driving manual all week, as well as practicing parking my boat of a car, so i can try for my license next saturday.

i think that if i can get this job and get my license, my life will be getting a hell of a lot better. so lend me some of your good karma, ne?

oh, and thanks for the heads-up about the bratz dolls, orb! i emailed her about them today, and hope that i will be getting my grubby little paws on them soon… congrats on your blythe, too. :happy:

i’ve tried to write it. i’ve tried to audio post it. but i just can’t seem to put what i’m feeling into words. nothing sounds right. because it’s something i need to tell chris, and not the blogosphere.

maybe i’ll be able to do it someday.

that song fuckin’ rules. :love:

anyway…

so i put my email addy up, as well as some other crap. i’ll have the 100 things page done before long. it’s hard to think of 100 things about myself, but i’m sure i can do it. i always like reading everyone else’s for some reason. well, except the boring ones. :wink:

so, yeah. totally wasting time today.

apparently, boogity and i share a birthday (now duly noted on my calendar). :ooh: also, i need to put my email addy on here somewhere. which i will be doing, along with some other stuff, sometime soon.

i haven’t been saying much, because things are pretty boring around here. when things aren’t sucking, anyway, which they have been to some extent. being at home all day, alone, kind of worries me. in the past, it has caused long bouts of hypochondria, along with minor agoraphobia and general anxiety, causing panic attacks. none of this has happened yet, thankfully, but i suspect it’s only a matter of time.

it would help if maybe i heard from my friends once in a while, which i haven’t. (oh, wait, that’s right. i don’t have any.)

anyway, i’m hoping to get my license and have a job by september. and i’m going to make more of an effort to go to church on sundays. of course, everyone’s way older than me there, but it’s better than nothing. i’m also hoping that i meet some nice people through library school. most of my coursework will be online, of course, but one of my classes next semester meets four times, and lasts all day. so maybe i’ll meet someone there. after all, i’ve found library people to be an interesting lot, and it would be nice to have some allies in the program.

by the way, i must mention what a total ass our president is. (not the first time, probably not the last.) for fuck’s sake, tony blair agreed to help us out in iraq, to the detriment of his party and his people, and when he comes to us for help with something we should be doing anyway, bush refuses. bush’s idea of what makes a good christian is questionable, ne? i guess it’s okay to sanction and bomb countries into oblivion, killing innocent civilians, many of them children. but it’s not okay to help africa. or further important research that could also save lives. for someone who claims to be pro-life, he sure doesn’t mind sending so many to their deaths. i guess once you stop being an embryo, he stops caring. “culture of life” my ass. :pissed:

to alleviate some of the pain i experienced from reading the two books i mentioned in the last post, i started reading rush limbaugh is a big fat idiot by al franken. it’s hilarious, of course. however, i’ve had to use a bookmark that belonged to my mum to keep my place, which seems the height of irony. (i only have two bookmarks: one given to me by mum, and one that i took home with me after going through her stuff. i’d probably collect bookmarks, as i’m always reading multiple books at once, if shadow wasn’t so cheap.)

anyway, when i was 11-12, mum used to actually listen to his show. and here i am, reading a book where the very title is mocking him, using one of her bookmarks. i’d call it sacrilege, but that would probably be blasphemous. it just feels wrong, somehow. (even more wrong than an otherwise intelligent, caring woman listening to rush limbaugh.) considering my reading material lately, i think i will buy a bookmark the next time i’m out. or just use a kleenex. whatever.

i haven’t been updating recently for a few reasons… 1) i’m quite sick with another uti, 2) school is keeping me far busier than i thought it would, 3) i’ve started a new vampire campaign for chris which is also taking up a lot of time, and 4) everything i’ve written lately is saved in draft form coz i don’t feel great about publishing it. and i’ve been reading big lies by joe conason and close encounters with the religious right by robert boston, and my eyes are tired from my rolling them too much. so i can’t see the screen, clearly.

shadow won’t even read these books, coz he says they piss him off too badly. which is funny, considering they’re written by guys on “our side.” it is frustrating to read about how utterly stupid, ignorant, selfish, and hypocritical people are. but these are good books nonetheless. anyway, shadow has been busy reading a zinn book. the 20th century: a people’s history or something. which i actually ordered from the library, but he stole. i’ll read it eventually…

anyway, i’ve got to go lie down again. my guts and back are killing me, and it feels like my head is about to explode. :sick:

[edit] why the hell is the border sticking out on this entry?? i’m not up to fucking with it right now, so just ignore it, please.

want to know what i did all day? well i’m not going to tell you. but i will tell you that i am a sad, sorry, achey gish. :cry:

but on the good news front, my dad decided he’d pay for my first semester of grad school. so that’s that out of the way. i’m really surprised about this, but very happy.

i wish everything else would fall into place like this. i don’t know why i let myself get this way about things.

*bangs head against desk*