i’m having a really frickin’ awful day. it started the way most of my awful days start, with sohei bitching at me because i didn’t wash his shirts. he insists he told me to do it before, but if he did, it must have been some morning last week when i was half asleep. it sure as hell wasn’t when i was washing clothes this weekend. i did two loads of little bear’s clothes, and one load with a shirt for each of us to wear to the superbowl party, a sweater for sohei, and a bunch of his socks for work this week. at no point did he mention his shirts. this happens a couple times a month and i’m getting sick of it. he’s about to be responsible for his own shirts.

and i noticed a few days ago that one of little bear’s eyes has some extra skin between the nose and eye, which is, as it turns out, an epicanthal fold. i’d been trying to research it online, but i couldn’t think what to call it, so i wasn’t finding anything. then, this morning, i had one of my just-upon-waking epiphanies, and remembered that it’s a symptom of fetal alcohol syndrome. so i looked up fas and found the term, then googled it. i was pretty sure that the cause wasn’t fas, because after my christmas eve drink fest (which was day one of week five, or three weeks post-conception), i didn’t drink. and everyone, doctors included, insisted that was too early to have done any damage. the other main cause is down syndrome, which he also doesn’t have. and it probably isn’t a genetic disorder. so it’s either a) normal in some babies his age, and he’ll outgrow it when the bridge of his nose grows, b) secondary to abnormal skull growth (though i’ve asked his doctor about that ridge on the side of his head at every appointment, and he hasn’t been concerned), or c) maybe he does have very minor fas, and hopefully that’s the only symptom, aside from his small head size. his low head circumference measurements do make the fas seem slightly more likely, but i really think that would be kind of weird. the measurements could also mean there’s something up with his skull, but the doctor keeps insisting there’s nothing wrong with it. hopefully, it’s reason a, but i’ll be asking the doctor about it at our next appointment if there’s no change. so i’m kind of worried about that.

also, i left neko at no-chan’s house yesterday. i’ve been struggling with this decision for a while, but finally decided that she’d be happier over there. i just don’t have enough time for her, between the baby and the dog, and everything. also, she’s hissed at little bear and started peeing on his stuff. she pretty much destroyed his stroller. there’s no way i could give her to a shelter or anything, but no-chan spoils her cats, and can give her so much more attention and affection than i can right now. and i can visit her whenever i want. we’ll see if it works out, because she already has two cats, and if they get too upset, neko might be coming back. but, even though she’s always hiding now and i almost never see her, i feel like something’s missing. i miss my cat.

as far as minor annoyances go, little bear had a major blowout diaper this morning, and made such a mess i had to give him a bath. of course, it got all over his onesie and changing table, too. and after i got him mostly cleaned up with wipes, i had to leave him in his crib to go run the bath, and i came back to find pee all over his mattress, crib slats, and the floor. that kid can pee… also, i’m sick to my stomach today and just generally feel like shit. i was supposed to go to the store today, but there’s no way i’m leaving the house.

hey spammers, a quick tip: if you have a hope in hell of somehow tricking me to approve your spam comment, don’t insult me in it. idiots.

(also, when time permits, i’ll be making my first post re: pro wrestling in forever. i know you’ll stay tuned for that. )

howard zinn died, apparently… he made american history more interesting to me. i’ve always liked world history, but history about my own country always seemed so dry. and, you know, kind of full of itself. not the way he told it, though. if i homeschool little bear (ha) a people’s history would be his history text. anyway, it always sucks when a great mind dies, and we’ve lost another one today.

aaaand my car has some weird new problem. it’s making this revving noise, and the brakes aren’t responding very well. hopefully it’s just some stupid thing i did and it’s fine, but i’m not going to try to drive it again until sohei gets home. we were still on our street when it happened, so little bear and i made it home alright. but for now my freedom is gone again… i do appreciate the time and money spent on my car, but i still think the $900 would have been more wisely spent on a newer used car. i never cared about driving something so old before, but i don’t like driving the baby around in a 20 year old car. like i said, though, hopefully there’s nothing wrong, or it’s a very cheap fix. but the idea of dumping more money into the car makes me pretty uncomfortable…

i wrote this earlier, but forgot to post for some reason, so i’ll add some stuff about his doctor appointment at the end.

he hasn’t learned anything new this month, per se, but continues to work on his existing skills. once pulled to sitting, he can sit on his own for a short time. (usually under a minute, at this point.) he continues to get more cheerful as his digestive system matures. it’s really neat watching him grow. he’s enjoying his christmas toys a lot, and i’m hoping the fun jungle will help teach him to do things like stand. not much of an update, i know, but he’s plugging along. and still sleeping in our bed.

his four month doctor visit went well. we had to postpone it for a week because he got his first cold. it was very minor, but we all thought it best to wait til he felt better. he got a clean bill of health, and has been doing alright after his vaccinations. though today he’s had some minor diarrhea. hopefully it stays minor. he took his first shot very well, while being distracted by a toy, but no toy could stop him screaming during the second. this kid really hates shots… the tears stopped soon after though, and i gave him a quick cuddle before we left. he was 27 inches (putting him in the 95th percentile for height) and 15 lb 8 oz (53rd? percentile for weight). he’s getting to be such a big boy.

i love my boy so much it’s overwhelming sometimes. i feel so lucky to be his mother.

again, yes, this.

yes, this.